About ILB

At the age of 17, which is the average age in the UK (apparently), I lost my virginity to my first long-term girlfriend (of four). I was one of the first in my sixth form to have had sex; this got me a lot of uninvited attention, but I was more content during my final year at school. I did my A2s and went on to university. My girlfriend started sleeping with other people behind my back, and decided to tell me weeks after I'd worked it out.

After a terrible Christmas during which I ended up in A&E for a mental health emergency, I went back to university and tried to enjoy the following three years. I, of course, failed.

In 2006 I came back from university with an English degree, a heart that had been broken a few times, a collection of softcore DVDs, and the profound feeling that I was different from a lot of the other boys I'd encountered over the past three years. Maybe I was travelling in the wrong circles; perhaps it was just a certain amount of people who made more of an impression on me than others. Or, more likely, it was jealousy. Who knows? And, frankly, who cares?

I had a couple of groups of friends otherwise. I didn't fit in well, but at least I was part of a group; I had friends at school (Einstein, Lightsinthesky, Music Man, et al.), and I had my local friends, with whom I still spend time (Robinson, Mane, Lovely, et al.). I even had internet friends (TMF, KW, Farm Boy, et al.). But, aside from the other wastrels in the fledgling musicians' society, I didn't really belong.

I can't really pinpoint exactly what it is that made me different. Maybe it was the fact that I used to sit in my room and spend the same amount of time contemplating the cinematography of soft porn that I spent masturbating over it. Maybe it was because about 90% of my friends were girls and I hadn't even tried to sleep with any of them. Maybe my being a vegetarian, non-smoking, Christian teetotaller didn't tally with their views of "having a good time" (which, to me, translated as an absorbing fantasy or sci-fi book with a cheese toastie, followed by a couple of rounds of Super Smash Bros.).

And, really quite importantly, I hadn't had sex for a few years, and was starting to get frustrated.

I've always been interested in sex. When I was 2, I asked my mum how it all worked, and she told me. When I was about 11, I started to get sexual urges. At 12, I started watching soft porn whenever I could sneak downstairs to watch cable on my Gran's TV. At 17, I had sex for the first time; at about 18, I started masturbating, which became my coping strategy. Wanking my way through university got me in touch with my own sexuality, and for what it's worth, I'm grateful for that.

I came back reasonably well-adjusted, but lacking something, and a selection of Internet memes informed me that my focus was love, not sex; this seemed to make sense: I remember thinking that my first relationship would never, ever, ever involve any sex (this was a concept that lasted about a month - although she initiated it, I seem to remember). I knew by then that I was a hopeless romantic, and I used to get far too involved in other people's relationships - essentially trying to keep them all together, convinced that love always finds a way!

Still, nobody wanted to talk about love with me (with a few notable exceptions, listed in the blog). And nobody wanted to talk about sex with me, either (see above). How was I supposed to share my views with anyone? Or my stories? Or, dare I say it, my experiences?

So I decided to put them on the internet and let hundreds of strangers read about my most intimate details. Because that's clearly the way to do things.

And so here I am... Innocent Loverboy. Welcome to my sex blog.

Here you'll find a truly bizarre selection of things in a peculiar, seemingly random sequence based upon the order in which I write the posts. I occasionally take part in the odd meme or write a soft porn review, but mostly I just write about something or another related to sex in a slightly pathetic manner, often with a (disastrous) attempt at humour.
This blog is a little different from other sex blogs insofar as every sex blog is different. However, if you must look for a USP in everything, there are three things that I can pinpoint (apart from the whole "LOL, I'm a boy, ZOMG!" thing).

The first difference is that there aren't any paid ads, affiliate links or commercial sponsors on this blog at all. It's completely ad-free, and always will be. I've never made any money from blogging because that's simply not my aim; I'll write under this name for pay, but I won't put any content up here for any particular monetary purpose. This includes "sponsored content" or paid-for advertising space. I still get asked, despite the fact that there's an "ad-free blog" button on my sidebar. But, by all means, commission me to write if you actually like my hackneyed attempts at stringing sentences together.

The second is that I don't do a lot of sex toy reviews (although there are some). I've never actually used a sex toy that's managed to bring me to orgasm, and because I tend to say so, sex toy companies don't like sending me their stuff, in case it doesn't work on me. I will review things, honestly, but it's not a review blog overall.

The third is that, unlike a lot of sex blogs, there isn't a lot of kink, BD/SM, non-monogamy or ranty self-righteousness on this blog. I am perfectly aware that there's nothing wrong with these at all, but none of them is really my thing. This has, in the past, led to the concept that I am against "non-standard sexual practices" - of course I'm not. I'm just straight and monogamous and vanilla, and that's what works for me!

As of the last time this page was updated [22/12/17], I'm 32 years old. I live in a small rented room in North London. My girlfriend is former blogger Jillian Boyd; my best friend is named 47 (well, it's not his real name, but that's what I call him); I also have a large group of local friends (as above). Most of them are married now; some have children; a lot of them are moving away in 2018. Dear Glod, my life is dull.

If you really must know: my height is 6'0" according to some measurements, 5'11" according to some others. I have short black hair (with flecks of grey) and bright blue eyes. I'm overweight, but I haven't always been. I'm clean-shaven, but usually have stubble, never a full beard. My penis is roughly 7" when erect. I have foreskin, which I've never thought of as anomalous, and I'm still confused by people who think it is. And, no, I don't like my appearance. I never have.

I also have magic hugs like the little girl in The Santa Clause 3.

My main likes are music (I have a very eclectic taste), books (ditto), video games (mainly Nintendo, although I dabble in PC games too), films, comedy, blogging, and general geekery. Sexually, I like oral sex (giving it; I'm ambivalent about receiving), kisses, touching, porn (mostly of the soft variety) and sex talk. I'm usually very easy to contact if you want to talk sex, in fact...

And a few items in the "random section to expand the word count"...

My IQ places me within the top 2% of the country, maybe even the top 1%, but I've never applied to join Mensa. IQ tests are flawed, anyway, and the most recent time I took one, I skipped all the maths questions and scored 122 - 28 points lower than the first time I took one (I was two).

I use complicated lexis like "fecundity", "quadrilateral", "onomatopoeia" and "limerence". I once met somebody who didn't know what "superfluous" meant, and I confused a teacher once by using the word "opaque" at the age of 5. I also use parentheses a lot, as well as semicolons, mostly because I know how to use them correctly, and a lot of people don't use either, so I'm increasing their share value, or something.

I don't like mushrooms, bananas, red cabbage or baked beans; I don't eat meat, smoke, drink alcohol or take drugs (most of those things aren't a matter of abstinence - I just never started). I'm a Christian, but I don't go to church often because my church is miles away from where I live. I can't drive a car, so that's not really an option.

There are some words that I won't use because I don't find them aesthetically pleasing, but I won't list them here... because I won't use them.

I'm a Pisces, but I didn't want to tell my Year 5 teacher that, in case she didn't like star signs.

You must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.


Mrs Fever said...

I enjoyed reading this. :)

I normally would not ask via comments, but I don't see a contact form or direct email on your site (apologies if I've overlooked it), so I will ask here: May I have permission to use your Sinful Sunday photo from December (https://innocentloverboy.blogspot.co.uk/2017/12/sinful-sunday-snow.html?m=1) for a blog post I am writing about perspective?

I would, of course, credit you and link back to the original. And if you'd like more context or have questions, I'd be happy to discuss it with you further via email (mrs.fever@yahoo.com).

Please let me know your thoughts. And thank you in advance for considering. :)

~ Feve

Innocent Loverboy said...

Hey hey!

The link in my copyright notice is my e-mail address. You're right, it's not obvious what it is, but it's quite good for spam avoidance.

For reference, it's: innocentlb [DOT] blog [AT] gmail [DOT] com

Yes, you can use my Sinful Sunday picture if you link back to me in response. For anyone curious: this applies to any picture I've taken and posted on this blog, except screenshots from softcore, which are for illustrative purposes here, but may prove to be problematic if taken and shared.

It's always good to ask.

And thanks for reading my about page - although I see from the URL you quoted that you're reading the mobile layout of my blog? I'm not sure how I feel about that!

Mrs Fever said...

Thank you!

I'm hoping to have my post up by Wed, Jan 31 and will credit you accordingly. I will send you the link when it's live.

(And I use the "view full site" option when reading any blogspot sites from my mobile, as they tend to be a bit glitchy otherwise. When I fetch links, they still copy as mobile though.)