About ILB

Congratulations, you've found my about page! Please see below for what is basically an essay about nothing. Thanks. 


At the age of 17, which is the average age in the UK (apparently, although I only read this once and don't remember where), I lost my virginity to my first long-term girlfriend (of four) - on the same day, I got engaged, gave and received oral sex for the first time, and then had full-on penetrative sex. Basically, I had a busy weekend.

I was one of the first in my sixth form to have had sex; this got me a lot of uninvited attention, but I was more content than ever during my final year at school. I did my A2s and went on to university. My girlfriend started sleeping with other people behind my back, but I'd worked that out weeks before she decided to tell me.
She dumped me shortly before Christmas. After a terrible holiday, during which I ended up in A&E for a mental health emergency, I went back to university and tried to enjoy the following three years. I, of course, failed.

In 2006 I came back from university with an English degree, a heart that had been broken a few times, a collection of softcore DVDs, and the profound feeling that I was different from a lot of the other boys I'd encountered over the past three years. Maybe I was travelling in the wrong circles; perhaps it was just a certain amount of people who made more of an impression on me than others. Or, more likely, it was jealousy. Who knows? And, frankly, who cares?

I had a couple of groups of friends otherwise. I didn't fit in well, but at least I was part of a group; I had friends at school (Einstein, Lightsinthesky, Music Man, et al.), and I had my local friends, with whom I still spend time (Robinson, Mane, Lovely, et al.). I even had internet friends (TMF, 47, Farm Boy, et al.). But, aside from the other wastrels in the fledgling musicians' society, I didn't really belong at my university.

I can't really pinpoint exactly what it is that made me different. Maybe it was the fact that I used to sit in my room and spend the same amount of time contemplating the cinematography of soft porn that I spent masturbating over it. Maybe it was because about 90% of my friends were girls and I hadn't even tried to sleep with any of them. Maybe my being a vegetarian, non-smoking, Christian teetotaller didn't tally with their views of "having a good time" (which, to me, translated as an absorbing fantasy or sci-fi book with a cheese toastie, followed by a couple of rounds of Super Smash Bros.).

And, really quite importantly, I hadn't had sex for a few years, and was starting to get frustrated.

I've always been interested in sex. When I was 2, I asked my mum how it all worked, and she told me, although it was very vague and sounded like it involved dials and switches.. When I was about 11, I started to get sexual urges, spurned on by secondary school biology so I actually knew what it looked like. At 12, I started watching soft porn whenever I could sneak downstairs to watch cable on my Gran's TV. At 17, I had sex for the first time; at about 18, I started masturbating, which became my coping strategy. Wanking my way through university got me in touch with my own sexuality, and for what it's worth, I'm grateful for that.

I came back reasonably well-adjusted, but lacking something, and a selection of Internet memes informed me that my focus was love, not sex; this seemed to make sense: I remember thinking that my first relationship would never, ever, ever involve any sex (this was a concept that lasted about a month - although she initiated it, as I seem to remember). I knew by then that I was a hopeless romantic, and I used to get far too involved in other people's relationships - essentially trying to keep them all together, convinced that love always finds a way!

Still, nobody wanted to talk about love with me (with a few notable exceptions, listed in the blog). And nobody wanted to talk about sex with me, either (see above). How was I supposed to share my views with anyone? Or my stories? Or, dare I say it, my experiences - should any come my way?

So, at the end of 2007, I decided to put them on the internet and let hundreds of strangers read about my most intimate details. Because that's clearly the way to do things.

And so here I am... Innocent Loverboy. Welcome to my sex blog.


Here you'll find a truly bizarre selection of things in a peculiar, seemingly random sequence based upon the order in which I write the posts. I occasionally take part in the odd meme or write a soft porn review; mostly, however, I just write about something or another related to sex in a slightly pathetic manner, often with a (disastrous) attempt at humour. There isn't really a common theme to the posts - very few are planned too far in advance. As a result, you won't find too many tags to them, nor are they in categories.

This blog is a little different from other sex blogs insofar as every sex blog is different. However, if you must look for a USP in everything, there are three things that I can pinpoint (apart from the whole "LOL, I'm a boy, ZOMG!" thing, which is actually what got me most of my readers in the early days).

The first difference is that there aren't any paid ads, affiliate links or commercial sponsors on this blog at all. It's completely ad-free, and always will be. I've never made any money from blogging because that's simply not my aim; I'll write under this name for pay (and have), but I won't put any content up here for any particular monetary purpose. This includes "sponsored content" or paid-for advertising space. I still get asked, despite the fact that there's an "ad-free blog" button on my sidebar. 

But, by all means, commission me to write for you if you actually like my hackneyed attempts at stringing sentences together. I'm relatively easy to reach via e-mail.

The second is that I don't do a lot of sex toy reviews (although there are some). I've never actually tried a sex toy that's managed to bring me to orgasm (although my hand works fantastically well), and because I'm honest about that, sex toy companies don't like sending me their stuff, in case it doesn't work on me. I will review things, in a typically honest, but it's not a review blog overall.

The third is that, unlike a lot of sex blogs, there isn't a lot of kink, BD/SM, non-monogamy or ranty self-righteousness on this blog. I am perfectly aware that there's nothing wrong with these at all, but none of them is really my thing. This has, in the past, led to the concept that I am against any particular sexual practices - of course I'm not. I'm actually fascinated by sexuality and love to find out new stuff about it. In my own sex life, I'm just straight and monogamous and vanilla, and that's what works for me! (If it ain't broke...)


One thing you might need to be aware of is that a lot of the people I mention here are real people (or, at least, based on real people). Nobody is mentioned by their real name - I'm anonymous, and extend the same courtesy to pretty much anyone I write about, although regular players are given pseudonyms. If you recognise yourself on this blog, and you'd like me to edit the post so you are less identifiable (or remove the section that mentions you), then please e-mail me.

Don't leave a comment about it, as it won't be approved. I'll read and respond to e-mails if you send them, specifying what you have an issue with.


As of the last time this page was updated [22/12/18], I'm 33 years old. I live in a nice little flat in North London (which can provide crash space or homemade food!). I'm straight, but I'm in a queer relationship with former blogger Jillian Boyd, who is my girlfriend despite possibly not being a girl. Life is very confusing sometimes.

My best friend is named 47 (well, it's not his real name, but that's what I call him); he lives in Wales. I also have a large group of local friends (as above). Most of them are married now; some have children; many of them have moved away throughout the course of 2018 (although some have moved back!). We used to all meet up every week to watch DVDs and eat pizza, but predictably, this hasn't happened for years.

If you really must know: my height is 6'0" according to some measurements, 5'11" according to some others. I have short black hair (with flecks of grey), balding (through stress), which I'm currently growing longer, and bright blue eyes. I'm overweight, but I haven't always been. I'm officially clean-shaven, but usually have stubble, although never a full beard. My penis is roughly 7" when fully erect. I have foreskin, which I've never thought of as anomalous, and I'm still confused by people who think it is. And, no, I don't like my appearance. I never have.

I suffer from IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and I've also got s history of stress, depression and anxiety. I'm currently (well, not this second, because I'm writing this currently, but more generally) undergoing various medical tests to check if I don't have anything else that may have been missed.

I also have magic hugs like the little girl in The Santa Clause 3.

My main likes are music (I have a very eclectic taste in music), books (ditto), video games (mainly Nintendo, although I dabble in PC games too), films, comedy, blogging, and general geekery. Sexually, I love oral sex (giving it; I'm ambivalent about receiving, although I wouldn't say no - I am a cheerful giver, though!), cuddles, kisses, touch, porn (mostly of the soft variety) and sex talk. I'm usually very easy to contact if you want to talk sex, in fact...

I've had sex with eight people - nine, if you count non-penetrative sex consisting of a brief blowjob sex. At the time of writing, I haven't had sex for about two years.

And a few items in the "random section to expand the word count"... 

I play the guitar, and I've also played the violin, the drums, the ocarina, the piano, keyboards and all sorts of tuned and untuned percussion. I'm not particularly adept at any of them, but I've been in a few bands over time. And I sing, too.

My IQ places me within the top 2% of the country, maybe even the top 1%, but I've never applied to join Mensa. IQ tests are flawed, anyway, and the most recent time I took one, I skipped all the maths questions and scored 122 - 28 points lower than the first time I took one (I was two). My main strength is with verbal reasoning.

I use complicated lexis like "fecundity", "quadrilateral", "onomatopoeia" and "limerence", but usually just because I know what they mean, rather than trying to show off! I once met somebody who didn't know what "superfluous" meant, and I confused a teacher once by using the word "opaque" at the age of 5. I also use parentheses a lot, as well as semicolons, mostly because I know how to use them correctly, and a lot of people don't use either, so I'm increasing their share value, or something.

I don't like mushrooms, bananas, red cabbage or baked beans, and I'll actively avoid all of them; I don't eat meat, smoke, drink alcohol or take drugs (most of those things aren't a matter of abstinence - I just never started, although I went vegetarian at the age of 9). I'm a Christian, but I don't go to church often, because I work shifts, and am usually on the rota Sunday mornings.

My dad is a professional actor, so I have an easy answer to the "who is your favourite actor?" question. I like a lot of actors, such as Jeff Goldblum, Andy Samberg, Seth Rogen, Mary Kay Bergman, Saoirse Ronan, Annasophia Robb, Ryan Reynolds, Paul McGann, and Keira Knightley (who was a childhood friend). My favourite film is Spirited Away (aka Sen to Chihiro no Kamikukashi) by Miyazaki, but I like all sorts of films.

My favourite soft porn actors are Amber Newman, Shannan Leigh, Shannon Whirry, Holly Sampson, Krista Allen, Paul Michael Robinson, Kira Reed, and Jason Schnuit.

I don't watch a lot of television, but I do like University Challenge, Only Connect, Doctor Who, Father Ted (in fact, any British sitcom from the past few decades), Love Island, Red Dwarf, and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. In my opinion, the best TV programme ever made was Knightmare, which I still watch from time to time.

I love all kinds of music from rock to indie to classical to hip-hop, but my favourite band (by a long way) is James. I've heard everything they've ever done. I also like Barenaked Ladies, Smash Mouth and Green Day, but as I said, I'll listen to anything.

I'm a Pisces, but I didn't want to tell my Year 5 teacher that, in case she didn't like star signs. As it turns out she did, and was a Scorpio so assumed we'd get on well. We did.

As it turns out, they found the jade monkey (it was in the glove compartment), so we can get on with the plan.


Mrs Fever said...

I enjoyed reading this. :)

I normally would not ask via comments, but I don't see a contact form or direct email on your site (apologies if I've overlooked it), so I will ask here: May I have permission to use your Sinful Sunday photo from December (https://innocentloverboy.blogspot.co.uk/2017/12/sinful-sunday-snow.html?m=1) for a blog post I am writing about perspective?

I would, of course, credit you and link back to the original. And if you'd like more context or have questions, I'd be happy to discuss it with you further via email (mrs.fever@yahoo.com).

Please let me know your thoughts. And thank you in advance for considering. :)

~ Feve

Innocent Loverboy said...

Hey hey!

The link in my copyright notice is my e-mail address. You're right, it's not obvious what it is, but it's quite good for spam avoidance.

For reference, it's: innocentlb [DOT] blog [AT] gmail [DOT] com

Yes, you can use my Sinful Sunday picture if you link back to me in response. For anyone curious: this applies to any picture I've taken and posted on this blog, except screenshots from softcore, which are for illustrative purposes here, but may prove to be problematic if taken and shared.

It's always good to ask.

And thanks for reading my about page - although I see from the URL you quoted that you're reading the mobile layout of my blog? I'm not sure how I feel about that!

Mrs Fever said...

Thank you!

I'm hoping to have my post up by Wed, Jan 31 and will credit you accordingly. I will send you the link when it's live.

(And I use the "view full site" option when reading any blogspot sites from my mobile, as they tend to be a bit glitchy otherwise. When I fetch links, they still copy as mobile though.)