Sunday, 30 December 2018

2018: It's All About Orgasms

Gentle readers -

As I did last year, I'm ending 2018 with an orgasm count. I've been slightly more diligent with keeping track of the count this year, although continuing to use the system I tested in 2017, only this time (and purely because I am a nerd), I decided to keep tabs on more than just the number of orgasms. I even invented a kind of secret code to remind myself of these things - so secret, in fact, that I forgot what some of the symbols meant and had to think for a while about how to decrypt what I was trying to get at.

I'm a genius.

In any case, here are the "hard" facts.

[Waits for laughter and applause.]

164 - the number of orgasms I had this year (denoted by the appearance of a ★ in the diary)
This is one whole orgasm more than last year. I'm genuinely surprised by this, as I've noticed a drop in my sex drive throughout '18. I've also, for the second half of the year, had a full-time job, which I've always assumed would leave less time for wanking. Mind you, my stress levels have gone up too, so maybe this is just my way of dealing with my issues.

44.9% - the number of orgasms I had in a year, compared to the number of days in a year, expressed as a percentage
And when I look at it like that, that's not too bad (or good, depending on whether you count an orgasm as a tiny victory or not). This isn't an entirely fair test, though, because each individual orgasm didn't occur on a different day. But this is about as close as I could get without counting out all the individual days, and I really, truly can't be arsed.

20/4, 24/6, 05/7 and 08/12 - four orgasms which I marked as particularly strong (denoted by the appearance of an !!! in the diary)
Potency of orgasms is a funny thing, because one might assume that the last thing you're thinking about when in the throes of induced ecstasy is how much ejaculate you are producing or how broken your computer chair is likely to become. Nevertheless, some of my orgasms were notable enough to be remarked upon (by myself, often to myself).
I wrote blog posts on two of these days (on the other two I was probably... busy...), and it's "interesting"* to note that, on both occasions, I had a negative feeling - in the first, it's guilt; in the second, sickness - so you can kind of tell how my brain works.
[* Not at all interesting.]

6 - the number of days when I had more than one orgasm (denoted by the appearance of an x2 in the diary)
On each occasion, this number was two, which is somewhat down from my early twenties, when I could manage about three or four in a day in relatively quick succession. But, hey, two is an achievement. Just a relatively painful one, that's all.

10/3 to 26/3 - the seventeen-day period within I didn't have any orgasms at all (denoted by the appearance of an X in the diary)
The astute among you may notice that this two-and-a-half-week period includes Eroticon, my birthday, a musical event I sang at, Hamilton, and a few days where I was off work with bronchitis. Having zero orgasms during that time, despite being surrounded by incredibly attractive people for a few days, taking time off work, and spending quite a lot of time in bed, naked, often with my girlfriend who would also occasionally be naked... is baffling, frankly, but nevertheless, there it is. I blame the sickness, which isn't half as fun when you consider that that was probably the genuine reason.

And that's it. Next year I'd like to be able to go into more detail, such as recording what (or who) each orgasm was to (or on, or in...), possibly what time of day, and maybe where and what preceded and succeeded, with a complicated post-game review.

But, y'know, I won't do that.

- ILB

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