i sometimes forget how little things (the position of my underwear, whether my face is in a pillow or not) can make such a difference to how easy I find it to come. Orgasms are fun and now I'm going to go and cook some dinner.— Quinn Rhodes (@OnQueerStreet) November 2, 2018
She has a very salient point - apart from the one that orgasms are fun (they are!)... and now I want dinner, too. Anyway, her point stands. Sometimes it's the little things - those nuggets of sensation that you are likely to forget - that make a difference. During my many, many, many self-love sessions I've learned how some of them make or break a good orgasm for me - and yet there are so many I forget.
It's not just remembering, then. It's realisation.
Here are some of them.
01. It's easier for me to get aroused when I'm sleepy.
I don't know what this is, exactly (or if it happens to everyone or if it's psychosomatic or if I'm just weird), but I'm a lot more aroused - especially unintentionally - if I've had a nap and am just waking up, or if I'm just about to drop off to sleep at night. I don't sleep well because insomnia is a bitch and a half, but because of that I do feel tired during the day. If I have a rest at any point, I'll often suddenly realise I'm hard, even without any prior reason for it. If I can manage a sleepy wank at that point, it always leads to a powerful enough orgasm to sent me right back to sleep.
02. I have better orgasms with my socks on.
There was once a picture of me in the Evening Standard Magazine wearing nothing but socks. Although I'm sure this was coincidence at the time, it's not an entirely inaccurate depiction (apart from the matching socks - I am from the Dobby School of Socks and hardly see the point in two the same): when I masturbate, it's easier to finish while my feet are warm.
I know I'm not alone in this; I've heard other people say this as well (and it makes sense - you lose a lot of heat through your feet, and your heartrate increases during arousal, so you're losing more). I do, however, think feet are kind of sexy when positioned correctly (mine notwithstanding), so there's another strand to add to the mass of contradictions that is ILB.
03. I come harder when the base of my balls is touching something.
An odd one, this, as I generally don't like my balls being touched at all - but, if I'm incredibly close to orgasm, if my testicular sack taps against something (whether it's a hand, object, or just the seat of my computer chair) it's almost always a herald of a much larger orgasm than it would otherwise be. Just me?
04. I love having my nipples sucked, but only while I'm masturbating myself.
Let's get this one out of the way first. I love to suck nipples. I love using my tongue overall, really - I'm among my happiest places when giving oral sex, am a very passionate kisser, and I like to give pleasure by sucking nipples (or licking, kissing, biting - whatever they want the most, really).
However, my hypersensitivity makes it very difficult to enjoy having my own nipples sucked - the irony being that having lips wrapped around them is one of the things almost guaranteed to bring me to orgasm in a way so glorious it's more akin to evolution than anything else.
The solution to this is to suck my nipple once I've been masturbating for a while. That way, the most sensitive part of me is my penis, my intuitive reasoning will be down enough to fail to mention anything - and by that point I'll be far too turned on to care.
05. My oral sex fantasies are so realistic that I do the tongue movements during them.
This one comes firmly under the "shock realisation" category, since I genuinely didn't notice this until recently, and it only just occurred to me that I should mention this now.
When I'm very bored at night (which happens a lot because insomnia is a bitch and a half), I occasionally slip into oral sex fantasies - that is, fantasies about giving oral sex. As I've said above, it's one of my favourite things to do, and when I'm sleepy but not asleep (and will probably be hard, sub ref. point 01) I will occasionally go through the motions in my (ahem...) head.
At some point, I will find myself doing whatever my tongue is doing in my imagination. It's never deliberate - I'm not licking out thin air! - but it does happen. My imagination is so vivid that the rest of my body can't help itself!
Having said all of this, and going back to what Quinn said, orgasms are fun. And, though there may be tiny sexual things that bring me a little closer to buddhahood, I generally like all my orgasms...
...and one final small thing about them, too. They're free!