Sunday, 31 December 2017


Because I'm probably about twelve mentally, I've been keeping a log in my diary of all the orgasms I've had this year.

Yes, really.

I've used the very simple system of drawing a little star in the corner of the paper whenever I orgasm, which both allows me to remember, keeps my pen working, and crucially, silently bemoans the fact that I don't orgasm nearly enough. I remember a system I once suggested as a record of sex... but there's no reason it can't be used for orgasms too... right?...

So, according to what I wrote down, these are the facts:

163 - the number of orgasms I had in 2017 (and, unless something incredible happens later today, that will be my final number!)

5 - the number of days on which I had more than one orgasm. I didn't have more than two in a day this year, but still, more than one.

November 1st, 2017 - the date I had the largest orgasm of the year. Yes, I seriously did record this, by adding exclamation marks to decorate my little star.

November 3, 2017 to November 13, 2017 - a ten-day period during which I had no orgasms at all. According to my diary, I was relatively busy with work and the like around this time, I'm not going to pretend that's an excuse.

Still, 163. That's less than half the year. I have, however, been keeping my sex drive up this year, which is relatively pleasing. What's more, although I didn't make 2016 Escape Velocity in terms of blog posts this year (FOR WHICH I HAVE NO EXCUSE), I am certainly a more prolific wanker than I am blogger. It's good to be successful at something.

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