Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Addiction XXI: Fantasies

I've said for years, and will continue to say (one supposes...), that I don't really have "fantasies" - not as such.

That is to say, I don't have "fantasies" inasmuch as British TV described them during my formative years, or people in sex chatrooms describe(d) them. Active and creative as my imagination is, I don't tend to construct improbable, or impossible, idealistic sexual situations in my head with the tentative aim of getting me off. I've heard, in great detail, about some people's sexual wishlist - from a married man who wishes to be tied down and taken advantage of by two much younger girls to an older woman who is attracted to muscular construction workers. Even a former partner of mine who had the "uncle" fantasy.

These are things I don't have. I spent a long time in my late teens worrying that I didn't have a fetish. I don't do the celebrity crush thing out of moral value, so the associated fantasies there were out, and essentially all I wanted to do was have sex - which I have, since, done.

However, this doesn't seem to make much of a difference in those sleepy early hours of the morning - those where I'm sort of awake, but not really. In those, I do have fantasies. They are - for want of a better phrase - admittedly vague.

The other night, I was seized by a desire - halfway through yet another sleepless night - to have someone ride me. It hasn't happened for a while, although I quite like said position and think it's fairly hot to be able to see and touch the person you are making love to. I thought about how nice it would be to have sex with a girl while she sat astride, and how deep I would be inside her, and how I'd feel with my thick, firm cock caressed by her soft folds... you know, the usual stuff... and that's where it ended. It wasn't a story or a situation. It wasn't even a specific girl. It was just a concept.

As are they all. All the "what-if?" scenarios where I've been in some situation and inches from getting somewhere play out exactly as they did in real life. All the "if only..."s where I remember a word or phrase that got me suitably aroused but would remain an impossibility. Most of the YouPorn-in-my-head that ends up working is merely sex that I've actually had. A wistful recollection of things I've actually done (some of which you will, no doubt, have read about here) is almost always effective. It was this morning, at least. But is that a fantasy? It seems to me like a memory.

But the rest of them, as I say, are just concepts. All relatively chaste, as well - such things as "have sex in this position" or "in this place" or "while doing this". Fleeting glances of such possibilities that blindside me, often while asleep while meant to be awake, or vice-versa.

So... yes. I don't really have fantasies. Not as such. I'd be much more interested in any fantasies that have me. If you catch my drift.

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