Monday, 14 November 2016

I prefer to think of it as fuchsia...

As part of the seemingly eternal quest we are on to organise the shit in our room, we recently bought a large pink washing basket for clothes, and a large pink storage box... for sex things.

Our kitchen is currently largely unusable, and this includes the washing machine, so the washing basket is full of unwashed garments. As for the sex box, however, well...

Last time we moved house, I packed a large amount of sex toys, condoms, lube and books into a plastic blue box which I put on the lowest part of the bookshelf. Moving from there to here, I put everything from said box - plus other sex toys we have accrued along the way - into a cardboard transport box which I marked "WMDs" to stop my mum opening it. Six months later, I managed to drag the box out of its corner, transfer all its contents into the pink one, and put that back in said corner.

And so goes our bi-annual audit of sex things.

The existence of some things doesn't surprise me. I appear to have mislaid my REV 1000 (although using it at a conkers evening may say something about it); my PULSE (still in its box) was there, as was a collection of Rocks-Off toys that look particularly hellish, all in sealed blister packs and accrued at basically every sex-related event I've ever been to (seriously, they're forcing these things on you...) and a Lunchboxxx full of vibrators of varying sizes, into which I forced a couple more. They didn't really fit, but at least my system wasn't thrown off.

What did surprise me the most, however, was the amount of stuff we threw away. Broken sex toys that were particularly hated. Disposable sex toys that hadn't yet been disposed of. And about half the condoms and sachets of lube in our little Lovehoney drawstring bag which holds all these things.

Expired condoms are a troublesome thing, and a little sad too, as Oxbridge mentioned in one of her recent tweets:

I got a packet of condoms for free when I started university, which all seemed to last forever. They didn't hit their expiry date until after I got through a few with snowdrop, over five years later. I mean, they weren't great condoms... but they lasted. Some of the ones we threw away this weekend we only got about a year ago.


We also threw out a huge amount of paperwork - a seriously large amount. Flyers, business cards, promotional material, brochures, scrapped bits of notebooks. It all went in the recycling bin to give the dustmen a bit of a surprise. (I also considered throwing away a reel of bondage rope, since we may never use it, but I kept it, mostly because it was the exact shape and size of a space left in the box.)

And even after all this I had to push down a bit for the lid to stay closed once I'd put everything in it (apart from the DOXY; that's still on our bookshelf atop a row of Point Fantasys and books by The Oatmeal). Another reminder of the massive glut of things that I'm never going to use.

But at least it's pink!

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