Sunday, 11 September 2016

Soft Porn Sunday: Jacqueline Lovell & Isabella DuMaurier

Something I've often thought about (and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person to have thought about it, although as for who else even would...), and would expound upon it here in excruciating, geeky detail (but won't, because it could be an entirely different post and I'd be denying myself content!), is how much the length of a sex scene contributes to its quality. Whereas I find the longer scenes a little tiresome, I enjoy them more if the sex starts happening quickly; the shorter scenes often seem a little of a let-down, insofar as nothing much happens for a while and then doesn't end up happening at all.

The fact that my memory retained both the title of this film and the exact scene this is is one that I can't explain. It's just over a minute long, doesn't feature any sex and, to cap it all, is a lesbian scene, something I don't usually like in soft porn.

Mind you, it's easier to explain than this film's title.

Appearance: Lolida 2000 (1998)
Characters: Lolita & Mina

Lollipop, lollipop...
Before you ask, no, it isn't. This film has nothing at all do to with Vladimir Nabokov's novel Lolita, nor is it really anything to do with the year 2000. The title is completely mystifying, even with the unofficial subtitle The Forbidden Stories (which makes it sound just as risky as Lolita). They're also not fooling anyone by substituting a D for the T in the title - I suspect a canny move to avoid paying copyright - justified by the main character being called Lolita.

Confused yet? Because I am!

Okay, so, Lolida 2000 (sigh) is a series of three "forbidden" erotic stories, all with a sci-fi bent (hence the "2000", presented as things you're not meant to see being displayed illegally by a renegade named Lolita, played by Sara St James credited as "Jacqueline Lovell" (or maybe it's the other way around; I've never been quite sure). Dressed in a shiny cyberpunk(ish) suit, Lolita masturbates her way through the stories, whereas the main sex scenes happen within them, acted out by the usual cast of Surrender misfits, including Gabriella Hall, Nikki Nova, Taylor St Clair, Heather James, and Chandra from Emmanuelle: Queen of the Galaxy. Sexy as she is, Lolita's job is to present, rather than to have sex with anyo...

...oh.

Each of the three stories ends with a burst of static, after which we cut back to Lolita in her secret base, where she's hiding from the totalitarian GOVERNMENT OF THE FUTURE watching glossy smut. She chats for a bit and then puts on another story for us to watch. Except in this case, the first such link, where she's more occupied with Mina, played by otherwise-unknown actress Isabella DuMaurier.

Mina probably has an interesting backstory: probably a shady past with a bright hope for the future. Maybe she's on the run from THE GOVERNMENT OF THE FUTURE and has discovered one of Lolita's stories or managed to tune into the illicit broadcast. She is clearly skilled at infiltration, espionage and technology, as she has managed to both locate, and make it through all the barriers of, Lolita's unassailable, super-secret hiding-hiding-hiding-base. She just appears there out of nowhere. I'd love to know more about this character.

But she doesn't say a word. Lolita's keeping her mouth occupied.

This scene is less than a minute long and mostly consists of kisses. Mina is initially completely topless
Wild LICKITUNG appeared!
and wearing some incredibly sparkly tights; Lolita is in her usual stuff. They're on a bed (for some reason, the top secret hideout, no boys allowed, has a bed in it), and both women are hurriedly disrobing. To a repeated, synthy ululation accompanied by an electric bassline, they're burning off all the sexual energy that they appear to have built up during the first story...  and quite quickly, too, as within the first eight seconds we get a shot of Jacqueline Lovell licking and sucking  Isabella DuMaurier's boobs.


Even by softcore standards, that's efficient.

Hold up! Hold up! Hold up! Hold up! Hold up!
It doesn't really let up from there. A few more seconds and there's a kiss - not one of the usual faked softcore kisses that lasts for a few seconds or the type that hardcore usually seems to be avoiding, but a full-on, lusty, lengthy lesbian kiss - accompanied by the occasional uninhibited grope and even a little rubbing between the legs (Mina's pants are blue, by contrast with Lolita's, which are silver: not that that means anything; it's just the sort of shit I notice).

Fade. Mina ends up sitting on top of Lolita, doing an action I can only really describe as "humping", before they both fall onto the bed and things start to really heat up...

...oh, that's a shame.

At the exact 1:00 mark, Lolita notices that we are also watching this, and lets out a sound which is
Do you like leg?
meant to be a gasp of surprise, but sounds more like a beached whale ("huuuuoooorrrrrgh!"). There follows a brief kerfuffle during which Mina scrambles out of site while Lolita frantically advises her to "get back there, get back there, get back there, giggle giggle." Straightening up, pulling her silvery bra back over her breasts and taking a couple of deep breaths to regain her composure, she offers up a brief apology with the excuse rationale that "stories can lead to all sorts of interesting discussions".


Girl, we've just watched you almost have sex with someone completely random, we're genuinely not going to mind.

It kind of sounds frustrating, and in some ways, it is. It's contextless. There's set-up without any payoff, foreplay without sex, and since it's all very short, it's very difficult to enjoy before it's all over, and there's nothing left to enjoy about it, despite how attractive (and, seemingly, enthusiastic) both actresses are.

But, for what it's worth, I like this. I like how genuine the kisses look. I like the random, lusty disrobing and the tangled mess they fall into. I like how, as evidenced by the dialogue at the end, this may all be accidental - they got carried away while watching the story that precedes it, or something. And I like how this is hot, not because of what happens... but because of what doesn't. What could have happened, had they not been interrupted? This sort of invites the viewer to make up their own mind, and let their imagination invent the rest of the scenario!

Is that as genuinely arousing as I think it is? I've no idea. I'm biased. But, so help me, if I want to, I'll like my one minute and nine seconds of attractive semi-clad ladies kissing on a bed while evading THE GOVERNMENT OF THE FUTURE, and damned be all else!

1 comment:

ArnoldD.South said...

wow
nice story :D :D :D :D