Tuesday, 16 August 2016

Nil by Mouth

I've been away. That's why I haven't been posting.

Where I went doesn't really matter. I had a good time - surprisingly good, if I'm being honest. I ate and drank and danced and screamed and applauded and slept and flirted. And I returned, after a couple of days - not to this house, but to my aunt and uncle's - for one final day of sedentary life and making sure four cats are okay.

They are, I'm pleased to report.

I went to work yesterday, feeling ridiculously out of place until someone mentioned David Bowie and I had something to contribute. I went back to my aunt and uncle's house, had a sandwich, waited for a while, had a pizza, and then went to SH to celebrate my sister's birthday and had some cake.

The reason I'm mentioning food so much is that I'm not allowed to eat any. I have a medical procedure tomorrow which may (or may not) yield results; I'll actually be in hospital for that. I've been let off work because hospital. Whatever the reason, I'm not allowed to have food. I was, before 9am this morning, allowed to have breakfast. I set an alarm for 8:30 which I promptly slept right through, and by 11:20 when I finally woke up, I'd passed that threshold already.

I'm not allowed to eat. Sips of water are permissible.

[Break during which ILB goes to get a glass of water. It doesn't taste good - or, more accurately, it doesn't taste like water. He is trying to ignore this.]

I woke up this morning (11:20 counts; it's still the morning) with massive horn. I know not from whence it came, but it felt both pleasant and frustrating enough to ignore. Working on a job application that I don't need to do in order to keep my brain active, trying to forget about how much I'd like a cheese sandwich right now, it returned. I could touch myself, I reasoned - having a morning wank would be pleasant and there's nothing in the medical notes that says I can't do that. It might even send me back to sleep, and that's a way to pass the time.

But I didn't, because I'm the sort of idiot who doesn't want to lose any fluid or nutrients when he's not supposed to take anything by mouth.

Still, at least it's not 5pm yet. I'm meant to take a thing then, and I'm expecting pain, very much as a result.

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