Sunday, 31 July 2016

Soft Porn Sunday: Mia Zottoli & Jason Schnuit

Considering how much I like Mia Zottoli, it's a  surprise to find I've only really mentioned her in passing before. She's genuinely in a lot of stuff I've seen, and I've always liked her scenes, even in things like Sex@Students.edu (yes, really), despite the dodgy subject matter. While there's no doubt that she's an attractive lady, there's something else about her that I like; her performances are playful, enthusiastic and wholehearted (as well as bring sexy). I'm amazed, frankly, that I haven't brought this scene up before.

Or this entire movie. I haven't mentioned this before either.

Appearance: Fast Lane to Vegas (2000)
Characters: Biker Babe & Motel Clerk

Yes, two unnamed characters! Two! Both played by actors using a pseudonym, no less: the sexy biker
Jason's been at the laughing gas again.
girl by Zottoli (credited as "Ava Lake"); the sexy motel clerk by "good ol' Jason Schnuit" (credited as "David Veleo", presumably as part of his quest to provide more unpronounceable surnames to the world). As you'll probably surmise from their lack of character development to the point of not having names, they aren't really primary characters. What a surprise.


Fast Lane to Vegas is apparently quite good. I can't, in all honesty, say I've seen all of it - and it's easily confused with Fast Lane to Malibu (also 2000), which features Kira Reed and Nikki Fritz as bisexual policewomen, in addition to probably the main two characters; I don't know, I wasn't paying attention.

Anyway, Fast Lane to Vegas is a road movie sex comedy, à la Road Trip, only probably quite a bit better. Zack (Stephen Harvard) and Brian (Stephen Curtis) - the soon-to-be-legendary "Two Steves" - are heading to Las Vegas for a wedding; on the way, they meet an alarmingly large number of sexually available women, including strippers, housewives, aliens, and a biker babe who sleeps with their motel clerk, although I'm not sure if they actually meet either of those.

Let's do so ourselves.

This sex scene is refreshingly brightly-lit, as it all takes place in a motel room (surprise!), with a huge
The better the sex, the bigger the grin.
window in shot, through which you can see what looks like actual scenery (were it a still picture, it wouldn't move then the camera pans left and right). It doesn't waste any time in getting to the nudity, either; Schnuit is partially unclothed at the very beginning, with only vestiges of his uniform left, and Zottoli starts by stripping off, so yeah, plenty of skin from the first second. In fact, we get a soft porn blowjob within 25 seconds, soft porn cunnilingus within 55, and soft porn penetration by 1:15 - very efficient!


The sex itself is pleasantly jumpy, insofar as it jumps between positions with such rapidity that I'm finding it difficult to screenshot. There's missionary, springy bouncy astride, doggie while kneeling upright (a difficult position to actually do, but probably easier if it's softcore), a sitting position which becomes somewhat athletic towards the end, and it isn't even one of those scenes with an ending: the camera just pans away from them, implying that the sex carries on for a little longer. I'd want to keep going, I'm sure.

Boobs!
I can't really go through the sex scene point by point, as there's nothing really different about the way they do things: it's all very enthusiastic with plenty of movement. There are some cursory moans (and laughter) from both actors, bump and grind just the way I like it, and background music (jazzy rock with a 12-bar blues bassline) is really fun, without being a distraction: it adds to the scene (so much so that I just rocked out to it a little - I am the king of cool).

But it wouldn't be half as fun without the hat.

Throughout all the sex that's going on here, there's a blue hat which gets almost as much of the action
Your car's here, sir...
itself. It starts on Schnuit's head (maybe it's part of his uniform?), then switches to Zottoli's as she starts to give him a blowjob. It reappears on her head later (in fact, she adjusts it) during the sex bit, then again, but backwards; Schnuit then does a reckless snatch and replaces it on his own head, and Zottoli ends the saga by sweeping it off his head in retaliation.


"If I can't wear the hat, nobody can!" she yells. (Only she doesn't. But I'm going to pretend she does. It's my review.)

Of course, the hat is the real star.
This is a really hot scene overall. It's fun, it's well-shot, it works, and it really doesn't matter that the characters don't have names. The best scenes are the most memorable, I think, and this one has its own secret weapon - the hat - a prop that proves to be just as memorable as Mia Zottoli's chiselled eyebrows, full lips and well-proportioned breasts. 

Well, almost. Almost as memorable.

It's interesting to see these guys in something that's not made by Surrender Cinema, as well. Allegedly, this is from Indigo Entertainment, who also produced such masterpieces as Girls for Girls and Personals II: CasualSex.com.

Yes, really.

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