Sunday, 12 June 2016

Soft Porn Sunday: Keri Windsor & Brad Bartram vs. Melina Hanson & Anthony DeVilla

Some of you, if you've been reading this for a long time and haven't given up on me yet, may recognise the names of the actors above. Hanson and DeVilla have the dubious honour of being the main players in my first-ever Soft Porn Sunday back in 2010, and then again in 2015, but still missed out on a place in my top ten (it was a close-run thing, though; were I do to a top 11...). I haven't actually seen Melina Hanson in anything except this one episode of Passion Cove (and her IMDb page suggests that she hasn't actually done anything else), which is a shame, because she's hot. Still, in one half-hour episode we do get three sex scenes with her as Ruth, so I'm not really complaining much...

Appearance: Passion Cove, Series 2: "Practice What You Preach" (2001)
Characters: Elizabeth & Win vs. Ruth & Nick

The double sex scene is a rare breed, and a curious one. It's a rare thing to do (threesome scenes are more common), and probably also difficult to direct. You've got one couple doing one thing and another couple doing something else, which is probably different in order to create variability to identify which is which (this scene actually happens in the dark, which probably doesn't help!). A balance between two sex scenes is difficult to grasp, as (in terms of timing) the focus is probably going to be on one couple, with the others acting out, essentially, a "B-plot" of sex. Invariably, of course, it's the second couple I'm usually more interested in or aroused by.

That is, of course, the case here as well. Most of the sex that happens throughout the episode is between Ruth and her boyfriend Nick, whereas the main plot (without any sex) is focused mostly on
Oh, hai soft porn candle!
Ruth's boss, Elizabeth (Keri Windsor), a sex therapist who isn't having sex. Making up the shortfall is Win (Brad "Honesty" Bartram), staying next door to the resort at Passion Cove, a kind soul who ends up being the one who has sex with Elizabeth (putting paid to the saying that "nice guys never Win"). This is the final scene, the inevitable one, where Elizabeth suddenly realises her sexual potential with the guy WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE STAYING NEXT DOOR AND HAS TWO HORSES, BY THE WAY DID I MENTION THAT SHE GREW UP ON A RANCH, ZOMG COINCIDENCE!. And, for some reason, it happens during a thunderstorm.


Because. I don't know. Symbolism? Maybe there was actually a storm happening at the time. It genuinely doesn't matter.

This scene actually starts with Ruth and Naked Nick (I don't think wardrobe could arrange clothes for four) talking, flirting and then having the seks, and although it then switches in focus to what's going on in the next room with Elizabeth, who's Winning, it cuts back intermittently to Ruth and Nick. Essentially, then, you get two things happening, summarised thus.

Elizabeth & Win: Kissing; back onto the bed; more kissing; off go the panties; yet more kissing; soft porn cunnilingus (this is never realistic; kudos for giving it a go); jump! More kissing with laughter and some appalling dialogue; more kissing!; incredibly brief astride sex; sex in a sitting position which is probably impossible; a single moan, fade to black.

Ruth & Nick: Kissing; carried over to the bed (yes); disrobing; soft porn cunnilingus (less realistic, but hotter); bodies flip over with more kissing; quick and dirty doggie style sex; jump! Bouncy bouncy astride sex; more of this with moany noises; jump!

All of this is overlaid with occasional storm noises and flashes of lightning (well, somebody in the crew fucking about with a torch). You can't actually see the storm - throughout neither scene do we get a
Ruth and Nick "Flowers" Bartram.
window, although the ubiquitous soft porn candle does make an appearance - but it's clearly meant to be happening. Elizabeth and Win's bits all happen in the dark, so it's more apparent here, but the idea is that this is all happening at night during a tropical storm. Or something. It's a nice idea, anyway, and it sort of works. It gives the sound department a chance to piss around with thundery noises, but that's basically it - there's no rain, no wind, and (as I've said) you can't see it, so it even seems a bit superfluous.


Halfway through the scene, Elizabeth and Win stop kissing for one goddamn second to listen to Ruth having a orgasm.

No, seriously, that's what happens; they stop what they're doing to listen to Ruth and then exchange some dialogue along the lines of "looks like everybody's takin' the doctor's advice, even the doctor herself!" (delivered by "Honesty" Bartram with an attempt at acting which also almost works). Thin walls, eh? Passion Cove resort needs to be looked at; people may mention this on Trip Advisor.

While the bits that work about this scene do work, there are some bits that don't. Perhaps the most obvious one is the music. Ruth and Nick have their own, recognisable "theme", which starts them off.
This is, of course, impossible.
If you've seen Passion Cove you'll know the theme; it's used a few times and fits the scene well - a mixture of digital percussion, deep sexy bass and Spanish guitar. It's actually quite pretty and one of the best bits of softcore music I can think of. Elizabeth and Win, however, have different music (Ruth and Nick's cuts out to make space for it!): a kind of quasi-tribal arrangement with thudding congas and repetitive, ethereal synth lines like you might find on a level select screen. It's not as good, and it continues throughout the rest of the scene - including the bit where it cuts back to Ruth and Nick, only that transition's not very smooth, so there's a second jarring change in music. Very annoying!


And, of course, I'm not happy with the prevalence of Elizabeth and Winner throughout - even if they are the "A"-plot. It's erotic romance, so they were going to get together anyway, but throughout the episode we've been a little spoiled by the genuine chemistry and incredibly hot sex between Ruth and Nick (who are both attractive and put in steamy performances). Here, it's almost like we're going to be treated to a third scene between them, and then they strip this away in favour of a less hot, less enjoyable scene with two less believable characters! Also very annoying!

However, I would recommend this scene - even for arousal purposes, although it works best as a dénouement to the whole episode. Clunky bits aside, there's just enough of Ruth and Nick's lusty
Mwah!
lovemaking to make this enjoyable. Melina Hanson, in particular, carries the whole episode basically on her own, from the very first scene to the end, despite Keri Windsor playing the main character (and being a soft porn stalwart, to boot). This genuinely isn't a scene I'd just watch for the main pair, despite the fact that they Win, so the fact that I'm reviewing it at all is something of a miracle unto itself!

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