Sunday, 8 May 2016

Music Video Sunday: Will Smith

There are some moments when music gets me harder than any porn, and (as a result) there were also some moments during my youth when I'd rather watch music television on my gran's cable TV than whatever was on Bravo or UK Living or L!VE (although usually during the ad breaks). Some songs made me cry (Viva Forever), some made me dance (S Club Party) and some...


Much as I appreciate, for what it is, the bump'n'grind of Shakira's hips or the sexy dancing of the aging Tim Booth, sometimes all it takes to pique my interest is a look, like the raised eyebrows of the girl at the swimming pool or the dazzling smile of my friend at university. Maybe it's just the right thing at the right time.

I will admit this: I like Will Smith. I think he's a very talented actor, a charming interviewee and game
Will Smith approves of this post.
for a laugh. I'm looking forward to seeing him in Suicide Squad and, although I've never actually watched a single episode (and I INTEND TO KEEP IT THAT WAY), I'm aware of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. (Although only marginally. It sharted showing on BBC2 and I kept tuning in because I'd forgotten they weren't showing The Simpsons any more.) I was, however, never actually into his music too much...

There's a bit at 01:10 of the music video for Will Smith's Miami which is probably the sexiest numerical palindrome in music television. A car with a couple of beautiful women passes by, at which one of them quips "Bienvenido a Miami" while doing something incredibly sexy with her eyebrows. Now that I watch the video again, this is still the most striking bit about the video (I usually switched over after it); there is a delicious, slightly devilish look about her as she sings those three words. It was enough to send teenage ILB into a spin - intrusive sexual fantasising about that one lady, in the car, with the eyebrows.

BRB, going to get a bucket of ice and have a cold shower.

I was also convinced that the song was about sex "all night on the beaches 'till the break of dawn". It isn't, really; it's about the guy from After Earth enjoying himself in parties surrounded by ladies in skimpy bikinis saying something what I'd always assumed was "I'd fuck me" (it isn't). Now that I read through the lyrics, it seems fairly ridiculous: a suggestion that you can go and enjoy yourself in Miami if you happen to have hundreds of thousands of dollars, a nice car, a boat, and are Will Smith.

Which I suppose is the truth. None of these apply to me and I don't think that my cousin's ex-boyfriend being named "Will Smith" counts, so I doubt I'll be going to Miami and spending time with sexy ladies in open-topped cars at any point soon.

I'm going to Bristol; does that count?

"Hi, Will. Men in Black 2 sucked."
This is actually the first time I've seen the Miami video in years. I'd forgotten about the clever camera work, the jogging girls on the strip, the idiots that follow Will around or the fact that there's an (incredibly thin) plot (it's cold so they all go to Miami...). I'd even forgotten the reference to Sly Stallone, the dance breakdown that happens unexpectedly halfway through the track, or the fact that Will ends the video on his knees and they take a few seconds to fade to black from that, so he ends up looking like he's waiting for something.

He'll be waiting a long time, because by that point I've switched off. The lady in the car was enough to get me started, and with the wide variety of soft porn probably available now the advert break has ended, I'll probably be able to finish too.

But, for that reason, this silly song has a place in my brain (linked via my very fertile imagination to my
Strictly Come Miami
crotch) that will probably never be forgotten, and when I got the chance to watch it again on a large screen in a hospital once, then my mum got scared and said, "you're moving in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and, when it came near, the license plate said "Fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say this cab was rare, but I thought, nah, forget it - "Yo, Homes, to Bel-Air." I pulled up to the house about seven or eight, and I yelled to the cabbie, "Yo, Homes, smell you later." I looked at my kingdom; I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.


Sati said...

Hah, I loved that video! Especially the pull-off pants. (Trousers to Brits.)

Just in case you're unaware, the lady in the car with the eyebrows is Eva Mendes. She's an actress, and - amongst other things - she co-starred in Hitch with Will Smith. And she's also insanely hot. Yowch.

Innocent Loverboy said...

Eva Mendes? I'd no idea. That answers that question!