Sitting, as I was, with my back to the wall, I thought it may be a fairly simple endeavour to slide, like a snake, off the bed: gracefully, like a gazelle. Instead I managed to roll slightly one way and them scream like a banshee, floundering like a fish and proving myself nothing short of a lummox.
The pain in the back of my right leg was excruciating, and it all hit me at once, so for a while I had no idea what to do. I was astounded, blinded, disabled by the pain, and only after some minutes and a few well-timed stretches was I able to continue my journey off the bed. And it still hurt.
This spasm of the skeletal muscle - Charlie horse - has been a problem before, but it's never stopped me.
It happened once, of course, during sex. I was kneeling up behind her; she was bent over in front of me, on her knees, her arms folded onto the bed supporting her head. With nothing else to hold onto for support, I had grabbed her hips, and was steadying myself that way (apart from one moment, when I turned my head to the side and gave myself a thumbs-up via the mirror. Yes, I really did do this.). Balls tight, cock deep inside. She was dripping wetness onto the sheets, glasses askew, hair a mess. In this position, something I'd rarely even attempted before, I was revelling in every moment.
Then, without warning, Charlie horse reared his ugly head. I let out a bloodcurdling scream that I managed, thanks to extensive vocal coaching, to turn into a moan of orgasmic pleasure:
This was, of course, accompanied by a wild spasm of pain, which I managed to magically transform into a hip-thrust forwards. But then, of course, she didn't know I was suffering from Charlie horse...
She thought I was just piling on more enthusiasm. So she kept thrusting her body back towards mine, her bum smacking into my chest, and causing me to rock back onto my heels, in turn flexing the posterior muscles in my leg.
Repeated. Agonizing. Pain.
"Turn over, turn over," I panted through girtted teeth, sounding to sound more masculine and less like a wounded Pikachu. "I want to take you from the front." Obligingly, she flipped around with a grin, legs spread wide... at which point one of her knees bashed the side of my leg. With a howl, a frantic scramble at the air, and pain on both sides of my leg, I finally destabilised, and fell backwards.
Right off the bed. Onto the floor with a thump.
Charlie horse let out a terrrifying death whinny and escaped out of the window. I lay where I was, throbbing all over.
"Wow, that was some orgasm!" she said.
I deemed it prudent, at that moment, not to respond.