Sunday, 3 April 2016

Soft Porn Sunday Special: I Found It!

Almost four years ago, I was bugged by the (possible) existence of one particular series shown on UK TV featuring Kira Reed, blending documentary-style footage with softcore sex: something I always liked, for whatever odd reason.

I quite like the idea that, while discussing a sexy thing to do, the participants in the discourse may
This appears for a few seconds for no apparent reason.
get a little hot under the collar, and instantly decide to take their sexual feelings out on the nearest thing - namely, each other - and that was indeed the general idea in this particular series; Kira wasn't actually meant to have sex with anyone, but she did because she was horny and they were always there doing (vaguely) sexy things. The rest of the episodes I saw (and I only saw two or three) were more of a build-up to the inevitable sex scene at the end, with some vague, nebulous attempt at getting a more serious discussion of the subject at hand in there somewhere.


My familiarity with the programme being ephemeral at best, details were too sketchy to do too much research into it - and, not having a title, I was at a loss as to what to search for. Kira herself believed it to be called Fantasies, but Googling "Kira Reed Fantasies" yields about 426,000 results and I doubt any of them are related to the programme at hand.

In fact, what it's actually called is


and there's one episode available online (on YouTube, of all places).

It is, indeed, as I remembered, albeit with a seemingly lower budget than I had originally assumed (or that memory served). Kira (in quasi-Sexcetera, quasi-YouTuber mode) provides both fourth-wall-shattering commentary to camera and voiceover work, invariably discussing the sexual topic at hand, and often naked while she does so (or near to it, anyway). There is, as I remembered, a sex scene at the end, with occasional inoffensive nudity placed throughout at scene breaks. It's all quite chaste, with some bizarre synthy light jazz as incidental music.

And it's a British series, so it's all relatively understated. There's none of the glitz and glamour of an American show, and (sex scene aside) there isn't any real indication that anything is overblown. It's not good, but it's not done with the typical American hyperbole, despite Kira herself being an American. She even says, in her opening monologue, that she's aiming to dispel the myth of the "British reserve".

Basically, she's in London to prove that British people have sex. Who knew?

Most of the episode involves nude fridge action.
The episode that I now have as part of my collection of random softcore shit that I doubt anyone else is interested in is, alas, focused on food play, which is something that I'm genuinely not interested in. One spray of whipped cream over a nipple aside, I've never done food play. I'm midly nauseated at the noise my mother makes when eating food and have never eaten a single grape after something I read in the Battle Royale manga put me off them forever. I certainly know a lot of people who are into it, but it's never appealed to me at all, unless I feel like taking 47 showers afterwards.

As a result, I'm really not into the episode. There are some amusing escapades, involving things like chocolate willies and being served rudely-named food by a robot butler with tits. Everyone does seem to be having fun with this, but as it's not my kink, I'm having trouble with watching it all the way through (even if it never actually gets all that messy).

Anyway, the sex scene at the end (lesbian, threesome, involves fruit and chocolate) is - as ever - shoehorned in, but about as seamlessly as they can make it, and it's not really that bad, either;
See? No food!
everyone's making the right noises and Kira's hair body looks great. There's even a cheesy end line ("I think that I've bitten off more than I can chew with my fruit fantasy!"), to really hammer home how similar this is to the other simulated sex you've seen Kira Reed do for all those years. If you're going to do something gratuitous, it may as well be this.


I just wish there were more episodes around... but, with no DVD release, no US release and UK Living having been bought up by Sky and rebranded as "Sky Living" in the intervening years, I've no idea where to find any more!

So I suppose my memories will have to do for now...

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