Thursday, 14 April 2016

Now get back down there, and finish what you started!

Hooray, hooray, hooray, hooray.
It's Cake and Cunnilingus Day.

Except for the fact that this day only exists as much as its more sexist (and presumptive) counterpart, "Steak and a Blowjob Day", does. I like both cake and cunnilingus, and I'm not even at the receiving end of the latter; I'd rather lick someone out and then eat cake (or vice versa, but I think the order is important) than eat steak and get a blowjob.

I don't eat steak and don't orgasm from blowjobs, so what's the point anyway?

There's a post on the CACD site about why we need this day more than ever, and for the most part, I agree with it. I'm not entirely sure that we need a day, but as for the idea of making cunnilingus more "visible" - yeah, I'm all over that. The phrase "oral sex", for what it's worth, usually - in my experience - becomes synonymous with "fellatio" - it really shouldn't, but it does. This kind of phallacy works in a number of ways, including the idea that fellatio is de rigueur where oral sex is concerned (the go-to, if you like). Cunnilingus involves fanny farts and period blood, it's messy and sticky, and is only really done by lesbians (and yet when lesbians do it, it's suddenly beautiful).

This is, of course, untrue. I'm hyperbolising, anyway; I don't know anyone who actually thinks that. But then again, I mostly know people with brains.

There is, however, the prevailing idea that cunnilingus isn't present in a lot of porn, which I'm not too sure about. Most of the straight porn I've got - and I have quite a bit - does involve at least a little cunnilingus. It's not good, and it's certainly not as in-your-face as all the blowjobs, but it is there. Sometimes it involves spitting (which I actually find disgusting); it always happens before sex, as opposed to after (blowjobs happen on both ends), and once again, the only people who put a lot of thought into it are lesbians (and I don't really like lesbian porn); it is severely under-represented, but it is there.

Because it's probably relatively easy to apply a thin layer of latex to one's nether regions and stick a head between the attached thighs, there's a lot of cunnilingus in soft porn (for which I am eternally grateful). The amount that there is varies from series to series, but Bedtime Stories (to name one notable example) seems to thrive on simulated cunnilingus; I genuinely can't remember many - if any - scenes from Bedtime Stories which don't feature cunnilingus as essential foreplay. Passion & Romance (which is apparently aimed at women) has a lot in it, and even some scenes from Surrender - although they do the soft porn blowjobs too - show it (insofar as soft porn can show it).

In any case, I'm pretty sure the most demonstrative illustration of cunnilingus comes from real life - out of the eight people I've had sex with, I've given all eight cunnilingus (and they've all had orgasms as a result). I like it; I like it a lot - even if I didn't, I'd probably do it anyway; there's so much you can do with your tongue, plus you can get your fingers, your nose, lips, cheeks and teeth involved - and more, creatively. If you're going to have penetrative sex, it can serve as a precursor or epilogue to the main even (or both), and I always leave a little kiss right at the end, as well.

Like a signature.

I'm suddenly not too concerned about the cake. Nor am I going anywhere with this post any more - I just wanted to write about cunnilingus, because I don't think I'm going to give any today, even though I want to, now I'm thinking about it... and that pisses me off!


Sati said...

Oh man...I forgot about Bedtime Stories. I loved that show. How I miss the days when softcore porn came as part of your basic cable package!

Thanks for the PSA. I knew about Steak & BJ Day, but not this one. Sadly, no celebrations for Sati this year - I was too lazy to make my own cake and not flexible enough to...uh, yeah. But now that I have been made aware of this glorious holiday (and really, there should be something to break up a gloomy, cold April!) I shall put a note in my diary for next year. Hopefully one of my partners will be around, or I'll have to buy one of those scary looking Sqweel things. Yeesh.

Innocent Loverboy said...

I was pleasantly surprised by Bedtime Stories - the quality of softcore on cable tended to be variable, but was usually pretty good; BS handed us scenes like this one, and (although I preferred Passion Cove), I was very grateful for its existence.

I was absolutely terrified by the Sqweel. I believe I got offered one once, but declined (or didn't reply), because I was staring blankly at it with an internal monologue of "what's THIS? A baby water mill?" and other, more colourful, phrases. I don't know anyone else who's used it either...!

There wasn't any oral sex for me either, but I did at least have a muffin (no, a real one), so at least there was cake. You know, of a sort.