Sunday, 6 December 2015

Soft Porn Sunday: Dawn Danielle

Following an incident of unspecified nature involving a dentist removing a giant tooth, unassuming everyday man Bill Teas, played by unassuming everyday man Bill Teas, finds himself able to see every woman he encounters naked, and spends the majority of this film sitting in random places watching naked women.

There's burlesque here too, somewhere.
That's the plot of The Immoral Mr. Teas. The entire plot. There isn't even any dialogue, just a narration provided by Edward Lasko, and the few musical pieces composed for the film - while initially stirring - become a little irritating after the first couple of rotations, although upon watching it again, they're not as bad as I'd initially thought. One of the pieces wouldn't be out of place in a computer game, which may explain that.

Anyway.

I've been interested, for a while, in the idea of the 'nudie-cutie' type of erotic film: one which involves a large amount of casual nudity but doesn't actually involve any sex - popular, so I hear, around the early '60s and largely assumed to have started with Russ Meyer's The Immoral Mr. Teas (plot summary as above), before this gave way to British sex comedies, Japanese pink film and American sexploitation in the '70s. 

Teas was a hit, being popular with audiences who wanted to see naked women, and it didn't cost too much for RM to make (despite being in colour, which must have cost a fair bit back then). It's responsible for his entire movie career in turn, and by extension of that, everything up to and including Beneath the Valley of the Untravixens (1979), which is responsible for my first orgasm and subsequent self-realisation.

Bill Teas is responsible for my sex life. I feel so dirty.

Appearance: The Immoral Mr. Teas (1959)
Character: Beach Beauty

As a nudie-cutie, there aren't any sex scenes with a pair going at it that I can really talk about. There are a couple of scenes with more than one woman, but they aren't really lesbian scenes, just ladies frolicking in what looks like unsanitary pond water (RM wasn't exactly known for making it easy on his buxom female stars) while Teas looks on. Being the predictable git that I am, I've chosen one which involves the sea, as you're less likely to get diphtheria from swimming in that.

This is a long scene (they all are), and it happens relatively early on in the film - crucially, it happens
Say, "fuzzy pickles"!
before the totally unexplained scenario through which Teas gets his clothing-specific X-ray powers. The Beach Beauty featured here (Dawn Danielle) is first seen as a model, having snaps taken by a photographer (uncredited - there are only five confirmed cast members!) while Teas (Teas) peeps in from the sidelines. She then takes her bikini top off and is snapped a few more times, Teas himself taking a few pictures of his own, before he sneaks off to take a walk on the beach.


The Beach Beauty then re-appears, sans photographer this time, basically to enjoy the water seemingly without knowing how to swim. Danielle runs at full-pelt into the sea and then gets hit by waves a few times, basically doing nothing but laughing and playing with water a little, while Teas (not even bothering to hide) watches with his trademark inane grin on his face. She takes off her bikini once more, but this time you don't actually get to see any boobs, as she covers them with her hands and gleefully runs off past Teas.

I must go down to the sea again.
All of this is overlaid with soporific, hypnotic Wurlitzer-type music, which wouldn't be out of place at a funfair accompanying a carousel were it faster (or a horror movie if slower - I slowed the track down to take screencaps and it was TERRIFYING). This music accompanies every single nude scene, so one does have to get used to it, and to be honest, it isn't awful. It does, however, make you very sleepy, meaning that there's now a genuine rival to Brian Eno's Ambient 1: Music for Airports in that regard. The music, oddly, cuts out during the last couple of seconds, before coming back on - I do wonder if that's deliberate or not.

In some ways, this could be seen as genuinely creepy, almost voyeuristic, as Teas doesn't have his powers yet and is essentially watching something he isn't really privy to, even going to far as to secretly photograph her (while she's being photographed anyway - he could just go and buy the magazine with her in, perhaps, but who knows?). Since there's no dialogue, we don't even know what his reaction to the Beach Beauty's wantonness is, as his facial expression rarely changes much (smile, smile, laugh), but she doesn't seem to be bothered by him watching her enjoying herself in the surf - mind you, she may not even notice him, seeing as she ignores him as she runs past.

On the other hand, however, this isn't how things are presented. Teas isn't really a voyeur and most
"BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"
definitely not a pervert - he's a single man who's on the beach to appreciate the aesthetic of nature and encounters something he hadn't intended to. It's not even that explicit - I don't think we see anything more than an areola in terms of breast - and there doesn't appear to be any illicit intention on either side. I can't really say I enjoy this scene in any particular way, but there's nothing wrong with it. It's good-natured... and clearly intended to be fun!


But then again, this is a nudie-cutie, and designed to make you smile. It's not designed to make you get off over it.

If you can, tell me how.

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