Tuesday, 27 October 2015

The "one track"?

"I was listening to some of Synthesiser's stuff."
"You know... my friend, Synthesiser?"

"Okay, well, I have this friend, Synthesiser."

(I probably don't need to explain that his name isn't actually Synthesiser. It's just quite an apt pseudonym, for reasons that will become apparent soon enough.)

"He makes this electronic music. It's one of the things he does. It's really good, actually."
"Well, not quite EDM. A bit... er, it's sort of electro kind of trancey orchestral... dance but not really... kind of synthpop but without the vocals, kind of..."

In hindsight, I probably wasn't describing his output very well.

"Yeah... yeah, EDM. Sort of."


I put minimal effort into the lentil bake I was making this evening. I was tired, didn't want to chop any more vegetables than I reasonably had to, and besides, it's hard to cook with a huge tent in your jeans caused by the raging erection that comes from sub-editing one of your girlfriend's anthologies (protip: don't ever try this, it leads to accidents). Slightly more worrying, though, was the music bouncing around in my head.

I could visualise perfectly the sex scene that came with it - it was the one that everyone downloaded half of back in the days of KaZaA. A fairly routine teacher/student scene, amped up by the fact that the girl was really hot and the sex was real. I've no idea if that was rare or not; I didn't often download hardcore. But I liked this scene. Everyone did, including Rebecca... and her younger sister, who managed to download it off my computer for her own entertainment.

I'm not sure if I feel guilty about that or not.

As I ran my finger under the cold tap trying not to swear too loudly at the same burn I get every time I make lentil bake, something tweaked in my mind. The build-up to the sex bit was perfectly aligned... the gradual increase in drum beats with clicks. And the bit where they start doing it, up against the blackboard... well, that was good too, with the drums. I even considered watching it; I have the scene somewhere in my Disks of Wonder.

But then the hook came into my head - the synthy hook, which suddenly jarred with the scene. I'm sure this scene didn't have that bit in it. Or, if it did, I wasn't aware of it.

No. No no no no no no no. I never get porn wrong. I'd know this if I heard it. So where was the hook...

...the hook...




I raced back to my netbook at Mach 10 and practically slammed ModPlug Player into existence. A frantic scramble through the MODs and, there it was, the track that so resembled everything I'd thought of, down to every last hip thrust and open-mouthed expression, up until the hook, which threw me off-kilter and back to reality - the track I was thinking of, certainly... just not quite the one from the scene.

A grin unfurled across my face as I suddenly realised a new career path for Synthesiser to go down...






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