Sunday, 16 August 2015

Sex Box

As I write this, I'm watching my girlfriend, Jillian, talking to my cat, Willow, on the familiar patio outside our familiar house. Everything is as I remember it: the quiet atmosphere, the aeroplanes flying overhead, the leafy green street and the very faint rumble of the main road in the not inconsiderable distance.

I am home.

And yet, starting from tomorrow, I won't be here any more. I am moving away.

Although not far away. One of my closest friends is moving to Australia in a month or so. This is different. It's about a bus ride away. I've even walked it before, although it does take about an hour (and a half if you are a slow walker). In any case, that's where we're moving. It's not a very big flat and we do have to share a kitchen... but it's a space, and it's ours, and it opens onto a garden, a big one, and so that's nice too.

It will allow us space to breathe. And also space to make love. I've even, brazenly, put a box of sex things on the bottom shelf of our bookcase - facing, on the opposite side of the room, neatly-arranged soft porn DVDs. As a reminder that this, for whatever its original purpose, is a sex blogger's room.

My mother watched as I moved the wardrobe a few inches to see if it had been gathering dust in the time the flat had been empty. It had; there was a thick grey layer on the wood-panelled floor. Evidently the landlord hadn't been around to inspect for a while, and we had a hoover ready to sweep away the dust and...

"What's that?" I pointed out.
"What?"
"That!"
My dad peered at it.
"Some sort of packet."

Recognising on sight the gaudy plastic of a condom wrapper, I bent down and picked it up.

"It's a... it's a... it's a..."
"What is it?"


I handed it to my dad.

"It's a cock ring," I confirmed.
"Vibrating Love Ring," my dad read out. "Whatever was this doing under the wardrobe? It looks unused, as well..."
"I should hope so!" I chimed in. "Whoever was in this flat before us must have had, well..."
"Unusual tastes?" suggested my mother.


I tried not to look over to the bag which contained a shedload of porn, a Lunchboxxx full of vibrators, three unopened cock rings, one penis vibe and a Doxy massager.

"Let's go with that," I said, sneaking the cock ring into my pocket, in order to have a look at later.

I can confirm it's now in my sex box.

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