I've recently been told that I may not be required at my job any more. I haven't told them that I've got an interview for another, probably better, job coming up on Monday. They still owe me two weeks' worth of money and I've told them that. I won't be able to pay any rent unless I get that money.
This is immaterial.
And, crucially, everything else I've been doing this week - fending off the boredom and trying to deal with the endless loop I'm finding myself in - has faded into one hazy, indistinct smudge. My memories are scattered everywhere; I have an indistinct jumble of names, faces and events. Did I really go on a family holiday last weekend? Why not this weekend, when there's a bank holiday around the corner? I've seen all these films - or have I? I've been to work - or have I?
I am horny.
I have been for a while. Almost constantly. More than my usual, periodic levels of sexual arousal. I feel myself getting turned on by the slightest thing. A yawn and a stretch, the generic tired feeling when I lie down for a rest, the soft flump as I sit down on a Piccadilly Line train in the mornings. When cooking food, when shopping for supplies and when I check Twitter. I find myself phasing out and back in again, accompanied by a dull throb throb throb in my trousers as I find myself getting suddenly, inexplicably, wickedly turned on.
I can feel my penis growing. No matter how tight my trousers are and how not sexy I feel (and I'm not feeling too sexy these days), my crotch feels otherwise. I can feel myself getting harder and harder and harder until I have these huge erections, warm and solid and smooth and firm, screaming at me that I really, really want to have an orgasm, and why don't I stop doing what I'm doing and have one?
And then my hips start bucking and telling me that what I really want to do is have sex, just take her in hand and give her my all, taking out all this frustration in a massive explosion of sexual intercourse, satiating my insatiable yearning cock and the burning all through my body, the fire unquenchable, the tingle unending, the need absolute.
I am a slave to my own desire. It enthralls and excites me as much as it frustrates and upsets me. I want it all, I need it all, and I have no choice. I am here and I am horny and I have been so for as long as I can remember.
Everything else is immaterial and as I stretch my arms and grasp at thin air, almost catching what isn't there but convinced I can reach it, I feel my shaft pulsating and ready to unload.
Light the fuse. Stand back. Let me go go go go go!