Thursday, 30 July 2015

¡Ándale! ¡Ándale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba! ¡Epa! ¡Epa!

It's National Orgasm Day tomorrow and, coincidentally, it's also (technically) the first day of Eroticon 2015 (well, it isn't, but the meet and greet is tomorrow evening, and I'm considering it such because that makes 'con seem longer). Despite what this seems, I don't consider this a particular fortuitous circumstance: what with all the travelling, drinking and socialising, I somewhat doubt there will be space for orgasms when the night falls (or beforehand, indeed). Last time this happened, there was certainly little time for climaxing on the even of the main event (ahem)...

...although there was sex the day afterwards.


I haven't had an orgasm for over a week. I had a few furtive wanks during the past month when I was in Somerset (this time my window faced other windows; if I didn't close the shutters I occasionally saw naked women walking around in the opposite building, so I'm assuming they'd see me in turn), but not quite as many (I didn't have as much time as last year... or as much porn); last weekend I was hovering in an uncertain state of constant questioning - "do I leave? do I not leave? do I stay for an extra day? do I go for lunch? do I go and check if my colleague has put on a skirt yet?" - so I just let it pass in a haze of tiredness with an undercurrent of Another Brick in The Wall, Part 2 following me around.

And this week I've had a terrible cold and a constant low-level headache. Yes, very sexy.

But I think that, despite it all, there's a bit of me that's been holding off a little. I can't very well bring myself off in the middle of the day with the curtains open (there may as well be a massive neon sign above my window reading MASTURBATOR, plus my sister's moving in and she'll know); night has been reserved for little more than naked cuddles and coughing fits - not that I complain about the naked cuddles - and it just seems inadequate that, when there's a day for orgasms at the end of the week, I should be doing so during the week.

What's wrong with me?!

I think part of the reason I've not been trying to give myself over to basking in the hair of angels is that I don't tend to have quick orgasms. It doesn't happen. It takes me a while, and there's very little stimulus that speeds up the process; I come when I masturbate, or occasionally during sex. There has to be at least some amount of effort, as I discovered during my formative years when I was about 19 to 25 and often spent about half an hour or more with my penis in my fist before the Olympian conclusion (or at least doing it by halves). I can't have a "quick wank", because I won't have a "speedy orgasm", and therefore I'll have built myself up so much that I'll end up frustrated to the point where I'll be eating full jars of Nutella with a spoon while watching myself do so in the mirror.


Anyway, so, yeah, it's National Orgasm Day tomorrow, and I don't care, because I'm going to be at Eroticon, where everyone is gorgeous and sexy and it's not going to be at all difficult to not be in a constant state of arousal all the way through the entire event and... head hurts.

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