Tuesday, 9 June 2015

TMI Tuesday: A Sexual Mixed Bag, Of Sorts

I've been a sad ILB today and I'm going to make no apology for that. I've had a rough couple of days: please do forgive me. And send someone to fix the printer at work so all my troubles will be automatically over.

In any case, I did TMI Tuesday in an attempt to clear my head and get me thinking. The following answers make me sound much more sexually experienced than I actually am... which can't really be a bad thing, one supposes...


1. Have you ever had an orgasm at work? How? Tell us the circumstances.

Yes - quite a few throughout a varied succession of jobs, although the circumstances aren't all that original: masturbating in the toilets during breaks and so forth. There are a couple of posts about it here and here if you want to revel in the filth.

It takes me quite a long time to orgasm at some points and a couple of times it's been commented on how flushed I look ("do you have a fever?") after wanking to a climax in a work toilet. One supervisor asked me where I'd been for twenty minutes. I suppose the most appropriate era for that sort of miscreance involved a combination of a three-hour break in the middle of a split shift and an office building with very wide toilet cubicles. I could check my e-mails, go for a jog, have lunch and have an orgasm all in that time.

2. Do you ever fantasise about your significant other while you are at work?

Indeed I do, but it's usually not sexually; I tend to fantasise more about hugs and kisses than sex when I'm at work, as I'm in no appropriate position to claim them from anyone (I used to hug my colleagues a lot - now, it's not as commonplace as it was!). That's a shame really.

When I was in a relationship with the drinking girl, I used to imagine her singing to me when I was at work. Now I tend to sing to myself instead.

3. How old was the oldest person with whom you’ve had sex?

I was 21, she was 43 (so she'll be in her fifties now - Good Lord!). She was accommodating and had loud orgasms and it was my experience with her that brought back my enthusiasm and vigour for sex after having not had any for an incredibly long time. We had sex a few times, actually: always in her flat and on her bed. I was always on top and everything just seemed to click.

4. Have you ever fallen asleep during sex?

Not to my knowledge...

Two incidents leap to mind, though: once I gave a girlfriend an orgasm while she was asleep, and once a girlfriend fell asleep with my penis in her hand. Maybe that one's not as impressive.

5. Have you ever cross-dressed or worn undergarments of the opposite sex?

Yes, of course I have. I've famously dressed several times as a princess (with a persona to go with it) - often for parties - and I've played a maiden on stage (in a non-speaking part) for which I wore one of my gran's skirts (it was The Marriage of Figaro, in case you were wondering). At a work training week, I played a Southern Belle type (complete with wig) when we were allowed to choose our own characters during a 'murder mystery' exercise.

Oh, and occasionally I've worn girl boxers or some of my girlfriend's underwear when I can't find any of mine.

(I know that the answer I've given isn't what this question is about, really, but I think it's an interesting answer anyway...!)

Bonus: You have the power to banish one person from Earth; who would you banish?

Boris Johnson. I've never liked him - not even his hair. As a Mayor of London, he was adequate, as it's a largely powerless position with a strong London Assembly to make the decisions for him. Now he's an MP again (and a Cabinet Minister sans portfolio at that), he has a grip on power, which is a frightening prospect. Were he to become Prime Minister, he would be genuinely dangerous.

I've also met him. Just bumped into him in the street, so I asked him a question. He actually answered it correctly. Yes, I'm surprised too.

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