"You are not funny."
I'm often at my happiest playing the fool, although I'm far from an idiot savant. A test I once took (on the internet, so you know it's got to be true) placed my humour as "the Wit", which I was pleased with - clean, complex humour with a slightly dark edge to it. I've always, although not intentionally in some cases, tried to find a joke in every situation... if not a light side.
Which is why I was confused to find Moaner Lisa telling me that I wasn't funny. At all. She'd sent me an e-mail to tell me this, after I'd pointed out that some of what I'd been saying to her was in jest. For example...
ML: "Lightsinthesky doesn't love me, does he?"
ILB: "I don't know, maybe not; why don't you ask him? He's your boyfriend."
ML: "Oh, no, wait, that's the PMS talking. But since you mention it, why not?"
ILB: "Hang on, are we going to be having this conversation every month?"
So she told me I wasn't funny.
I immediately rang up everyone I could think of in order to conduct a survey. Everyone I asked told me that I made them laugh - Lightsinthesky had to think for a while before he said yes, whereas War Man told me that I did simply by asking him the question. Music Man said I did all the time, Einstein agreed in his own special, quiet way. Robinson grinned when I asked him the question, and the girl-I-used-to-have-a-crush-on flicked her hair and giggled a yes.
I then published the result online - 20 yes votes, one no.
Well, I thought that was funny.
Laughter plays a huge part in sex - at least, I think it should. I've always had sex because it's fun - whether for love, or sex, or even just to feel comfortable - the best sex is the stuff that makes you grin widely, or laugh out loud, or burst into giggles during, or (preferably) after. In these dark days of constant transgression, gender politics and porn censorship, I do fear that we are losing our way somewhat: fearing that the sex we're having, that we're writing about, doesn't count if it's frothy and frivolous: it has to be serious. It has to be dark and meaningful. It has to hurt. That's what real sex is.
No it isn't. Sex is what you make of it. Whether it's a morning quickie, a night-long fest of slow, passionate love-making or an afternoon shag full of sweat and grunting... or whatever... it's your sex life and what you do with it is your business.
So I'll quote Simpsons and sing Norman's Song during sex if I want to. Same if I let my eyes roll back into my head and laugh after a particularly powerful orgasm, or if I let her drum Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo from Cinderella on my stomach afterwards. Sex is fun - it should be fun. It's practically crying out to be fun. And it's a shame if it isn't.
Three years after the Moaner Lisa debacle, I ended up reviewing an anthology of comic poetry for a university project. My tutor's only comment, apart from the grade: "Ha ha!"
Nice to know he got the joke... whatever it was supposed to be.