Thursday, 18 June 2015

#AdultSexEdMonth: Boys' Toys

Men's sex toys are really shit, aren't they?

Okay. I don't genuinely mean that. Maybe I'm biased on account of the fact that I've tried sex toys before and they don't work

Or maybe I'm upset with the variety available.

I mean, I've nothing against sex toys. I love the sex toy industry and the invaluable service you get from what is, effectively, a niche market. I don't regularly use them because I'm so seasoned with the use of my hand, and I don't own too many (well, I own a few but if I want to masturbate I'm not going to spend aeons ferreting around under my bed), but I know plenty of people who do, and by-and-large they find them effective (although some more than others).

The problem I have is with sex toys for men. Before I started this blog and getting involved with the community, I always thought of a sex toy as a thing designed for women - I knew of the existence of the Fleshlight, but I thought of it as a novelty, rather than something you'd actually want to fuck. Since then, I've discovered plenty of sex toys for men, and even reviewed a couple, but I'm still of the opinion that they need vast improvement.

Imagine you're designing a sex toy specifically for men. Where does it go? Some men can't fit (or don't want to fit) a sex toy up their anus in order to stimulate their G-spot (and I certainly can't due to IBS), so that's out. Maybe you want to stimulate the penis, but your toy doesn't accommodate every penis because either it's too noisy and ineffective or your penis is the wrong shape - has a curve where it's not meant to, or isn't sensitive in the bits it's meant to be in, or (in my case) it's longer than the designer's, and therefore misses out on bits of the toy that are the important bits.

And so you create another one. Something else to stick up the arse or to slip around your cock. Or, worse, something with a picture of Jennifer Lawrence on it because that's not at all an invasion of privacy. Maybe it's even something like the TENGA Deep Throat Cup, which got a good write-up on Oh Joy Sex Toy, but sparks fears that you'll get chucked out of the Green Party for causing so much waste.

Or maybe you're ILB. Maybe your penis isn't very sensitive and while masturbating you stimulate your perineum, scrotum and nipple as well as moving your foreskin back and forth to maximise the effect. Maybe you need words and/or images to start you off and your fertile imagination stops working when you have to hold a toy in position or it falls down, or falls off, or hurts. Maybe you don't like the feeling of lube and/or silicone and maybe the frustration you feel is perhaps the least sexy thing since EL James wrote Grey.

These are all factors we need to consider.

I can't speak for girls, because I'm not a girl, but I've heard similar things from women too. No, not everyone is the same. Of course not. And of course not all sex toys are going to work for you. But I know plenty of people for whom there's at least one sex toy which does work. I'm not one of those people.

I bet she uses sex toys.
It's Adult Sex Ed Month right now. Despite my bad experiences and lack of orgasms from sex toys, I'm still willing to give them a try. I'm sure that somewhere, somehow, there's one sex toy that will work for me. It's not a challenge so much as an excitement of what may come in the future. And education is a core part of that.

We need education on what works for people. We need education on how people work and what things can feel right on every individual person. We need to educate ourselves, at least on what feels right for number one, so that we know the sex toys we buy are going to be the right choice. And we need to educate the sex toy industry. And we need to be educated as to exactly what choice there is out there.

Because I don't know. I've never been told. I'm a boy; I don't need sex toys.

Sometimes, it's the lack of education that hurts the most.

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