Wednesday, 8 April 2015


I spent most of yesterday ringing doorbells and running away... after talking to the people who answered their doors. To be fair, it doesn't really matter what I was doing as most homeowners in my local area didn't bother to listen to me... but I did have some interesting conversations, including with one older gentleman who didn't stop talking for about twenty minutes and one woman who said "eugh" on the sight of me and slammed the door.

I used to travel to places to ring unfamiliar doorbells - sometimes to meet women I didn't know and have sex with them. In many cases, this didn't actually happen (I didn't just turn up - I was always invited first!); I wasn't expecting this to happen yesterday, either, not even with the hot girl who was mostly breasts and hair or the one who looked approvingly at me through her square glasses (but then, I was in a suit, I got a few glances).

But then there was this one lady...

She opened her door wearing nothing except a dressing gown, wrapped around her like a sari, with clearly nothing else on. She radiated confidence and relaxation and I attempted to act professionally.

"Have I come at a bad time?" I asked.
"Come? No, not yet!" she said, only she didn't say that; that's Kira Reed in Fast Lane to Malibu. What she actually said was something like, "no, not at all," and then proceeded to listen to my entire spiel intently, responding with articulate questions and smiling the whole time. Eventually, I bade her farewell and carried on with my walk, pleased but slightly confused.

I wonder who she was expecting?

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