Wednesday, 4 February 2015

Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them!

Message to boys! What is the size of your dick? (from a girl)

The writing was relatively neat, straight without a slant, small but still legible and with a little circle (rather than a dot) over the lower-case letter i. Certainly the handwriting of a girl in her early teens. But, as I was in my early teens too, that was to be expected.

I was sitting at my seat at the back of the class, the only one paying any attention to the teacher. Among the graffiti on the desk in front of me was a little table, "I like RE / I hate RE", in which the "hate" column has been filled up with ticks. Dutifully, I added a tick to the "like" column, both well aware that I wasn't meant to be writing on the desk and that I wanted to make a stand for RE as an enjoyable subject. Well, I enjoyed it, anyway.

100 INCHES from RICHARD, said the message underneath in a different biro colour. It was scrappy, but legible. Also huge. The "R" in "RICHARD" was about the size of my thumb; I was both doubtful of this dubious claim and amazed that he hasn't followed it up with any number of exclamation marks. Whether or not the girl who had written the first message in her fine hand would be genuinely interested in the size of his dick once seeing that was a matter of conjecture, but there was a message from her below.

I'm a girl. What year are you?

On account of the fact that these missives had transformed the school table into a bulletin board by this point, some others had joined in with the conversation - a little bit like Reddit, but somewhat more eloquent. A Bitch looking for Sex, claimed one, while another, appended to the end of the conversation, enquired:

Message to giRLs WHAT is the siZe of your PUSSY HOLLE (from a boy)

As no more of these messages were answered, I covered them all with my exercise book in order to do the work that I was supposed to be doing. And, although I did return to the same desk afterwards to catch up with this fascinating exchange, it had by that time been wiped clean. I can't say that was, particularly, a shame - although lascivious philanderers would have to find their own way to communicate.

Text messages became available the following year.

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