Sunday, 4 January 2015

Soft Porn Sunday: Emmanuelle in Rio

It's dim, dark and drab outside (not to mention dusky), and possibly some other things that begin with a D - or not, who am I to discriminate? - and my intention for this post was to spotlight a scene which brings up the exact opposite qualities - light, bright and breezy. This almost (but not quite) necessitates a scene outside, and upon reflection, a lot of the scenes I've looked at have depicted sex al fresco (still something I haven't managed to do, jacuzzis notwithstanding, despite seeing it and singing about it).

However, it gave me the idea to try and find a scene inside that's still light, bright and breezy - not to mention sexy, of course - as opposed to lit by candles and featuring bedspreads that appear to be from Marks and Spencer, and far too expensive to even try to ruin. People have sex during the day too, right?

Appearance: Emmanuelle in Rio (2003)

Characters: Danielle & José

I've mentioned Rio on this blog before, and I think it's a fair assumption that I don't like it. It's confusing, messy and lazy; there isn't any sex and what there is isn't always very sexy, and worst of all, there's an incredibly boring narration over the top of most of this thing by Ludmilla Ferraz, who for some reason is playing Emmanuelle - and never does so again. Which is a good thing, too, as this woman is so incredibly boring that it's difficult to stay awake, even during the sex scenes, which are also boring.


I see you, baby.
Perhaps adequately, this scene doesn't involve Emmanuelle at all (apart from omniscient narrator status), nor does it feature Harry - who is apparently Emmanuelle's boyfriend at this point, except we never see him having sex with Emmanuelle, who we only ever see having sex once anyway [insert elongated "why did they make this film?! rant here]... *breathes in* Instead, this is by far the best scene in the whole film. It's adequately lit, so let's go with that.

Nothing much happens in this movie, so I can't really set this up, but into this fascinating mix of no activity Danielle is thrown. Emmanuelle's hoover explains her origin - it's something about her being the daughter of a former lover, or she walks the dog of the man who trims the hedge of her lover's granny's neighbour, I forget which - and yet somehow she comes to stay with Emmanuelle, who is living in Rio for no apparent reason. She has sex, gets photographed and then promptly vanishes.

Miss Vapour Trail eventually gets her clothes off in the presence of the imaginatively-named José,one of the randoms who wander around this film without much of a purpose. In fact, José just rocks up at the house one day, and it's Danielle who answers the door. "José has come to see Harry about the rock video," Emmanuelle drawls over the attempted dialogue of the characters we're supposed to be paying attention to. "Instead, he has found Danielle, who has returned from visiting her mother in São Paulo."

Captain Exposition strikes again!

To the film's credit, it doesn't take long for them to start having sex. Danielle, who isn't wearing
This is actually me at the dentist.
anything apart from a vest top and panties (I'll give them that - Rio is hot), bends over needlessly to put on some music (upon closer inspection, she touches the volume dial, rather than "play"; nice one, movie), and then proceeds to attempt to seduce José without even asking who he is, mostly by virtue of dancing on a coffee table and smiling a bit. "Danielle is a disappointment," acknowledges Emmanuelle, at which I fell into a stupor and was unable to move, having to endure the tedious monologue here, which ends with "she behaves like a common whore."


Emmanuelle.

Emmanuelle says this.

Emmanuelle, the great icon of sexual liberation, who actively pursues hedonism as a lifestyle, pushes the limits of her sexual boundaries and has no qualms about the amount of lovers she has (which, let's not forget, includes aliens, ghosts, vampires, wolves and French people), is angry about her young assistant having sex with ONE MAN about her own age because she's a bit like a whore, despite not taking any money from him to do so?...

...I need a drink.

Anyway!

More than once this film employs the technique of slightly folding down pants (revealing half-a-bum)
Half-arsed sex scene.
to convey the idea of a penis and vagina being connected, and this is no exception: by the time Danielle is naked and firmly ensconced underneath José, his demi-derrière is grinding away, and there we have it: they're having the sex. In quite an athletic way, if this is what the film is trying to convey. While in the missionary position, he's slamming down onto her at breakneck pace - which I swear should hurt - and this does continue for quite a while with an irregular moan that doesn't quite fit and some top-quality mugging from the actors involved. He even sticks his finger into her mouth at one point... no, I don't know either.


We then have the utterly unbelievable act of Danielle leaping, being caught by José and, on the descent, being penetrated by him and immediately starting to have sex again, all in one movement - totally realistic there - and they do it like that for a while, before he falls back, conveniently onto a different sofa from the one they were having sex on before.

Seriously, who has 2 sofas?

The sitting sex bit is probably what you'd expect, a few bouncy bits, some arm action going on and
Oh, come on! He's clearly not inside her!
some superimposed moans (and, once, her sucking her own finger - it beats his, one supposes). It's actually a really long scene, clocking in at over five minutes, and it's even longer than the music track, so that there are ten frankly baffling seconds where we get a little bit of background hiss, but nothing else, accompanying the sex(!) before it fades to the same stock footage of people riding bicycles which accompanies every transition in Rio.


So, this scene then... what's good about it? Well, it's light - hence my choice - despite happening inside, even though the décor isn't really to my taste. And it could be a hot scene if it really wanted to - the pretty actors (whose names I can't deduce, actually - everyone's credited, but the rôles are unspecified) do look as if they're having fun, and maybe even a little turned on by all the SEX THEY'RE MEANT TO BE HAVING, which speeds up and gets more intense as it goes on: a pleasing touch. It is, after all, the best scene in this Troll 2 of erotic cinema... but it is marred a bit by the music, which (despite fading out eventually) is basically the same riff over and over again, like the music in Zoo Keeper for the DS, and the camera work - including some bits filmed upside down, again for no apparent reason!

I haven't inverted this. It's just filmed this way. Yes, really!

This could be hot, it really could - it kind of works for me, too. It just isn't quite as hot as it could have been, with a more static camera, better music (the end credits music is better!), and a little more thought put into it. But, judging by what else they put into this trainwreck of a film, I doubt that would have been at all possible.

But at least it's well lit. And isn't that what matters, really?

No? Suit yourself.

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