So. It hasn't been the best of years, and I haven't written the best of posts, either. In fact, this probably won't be the last post I write this year, but even with one or two more to finish it off nicely, I'll still have written less posts this year than any other (with the exception of 2007). Oh, so close... so close.
But I have been relatively successful in terms of garnering readers, and even though I've not been as diligent as I could be, people keep coming to read my stupid blog and that's a mixture of heartwarming and confusing. If you're here because you saw me in Glamour, ES Magazine or Metro at any point, then I salute you (with my hand, obviously). If you're here because of Rori's list, hello! And if you're a friend, I love you. Well, I love practically everyone, but that's hardly the point.
Despite me being a lazy-arse for most of the year, here's a run-down of memorable bits with relevant posts, just on the off-chance you haven't read EVERY SINGLE WORD I'VE WRITTEN this year. Tsk, tsk.
January: One of the first posts I wrote this year was about wanking. Well done, ILB; very classy. In any case, a lot of my posts - due to my erratic but frankly phenomenal memory - dredge up something or another from my past, and in this case it's about wanking when you're tall with not a lot of space.
February: Clearly I was incredibly lazy in the second month, only writing five posts; however, having said that, I just read all of them and quite like them all, so my bigheadedness makes it difficult to choose just one. So you get two, you magnificent people: my first attempt at Blacksilk's Very Short Stories meme (because there isn't a lot of erotica on here and this is a rare example) and a post about penetration, because fuck yeah penetration.
March: The second weekend in March ended with me tottering through the streets of Bristol trying to fathom exactly what had happened, and the following morning started with me in floods of tears in McDonald's because Eroticon 2014 had finished. Here's a post about it.
Oh, and in case you want a fantastic picture of an actress looking very confused, this post's got one.
April: One of the months during which I was a very active blogger and there's nothing that really stands out here, mostly due to the very average nature of this blog. In any case, there are a couple of fun posts here, like the one about running or the weird run about wanting sex without any punctuation... but I really like this one, because I got to use Microsoft Paint and that made me feel about 12 again.
May: Fiction! Wanking! CAMP!
June: This was Adult Sex Education Month and, even though I wrote a post about it (on the very last day of the month - well done, ILB), I'm going to bung a Soft Porn Sunday here, in case you haven't read any of my own silly Sunday meme entries. Why this one, specifically? Well, two things: one, I had a lot of fun writing this one; two, it's not a bad scene; three, there's a reference to a Nintendo game in it.
July: I spent most of the summer in Somerset on something close to a work placement, so blog posts here I expected to have a theme; that didn't turn out to be exactly what happened, but I certainly did get in quite a lot of blogging, considering how busy I was. Here's a post about attempting to circumvent a work-imposed internet blocker, here's one about hands-on activism which got me a couple on incendiary comments, and here's one explaining why one of my teeth has a slightly triangular chip in it.
August: There's only really one choice here. I managed to get involved in a multi-blog discussion with the lovely Cara Sutra about sex dolls and review Bath's Thermae during August, but at the very beginning of the month, my oldest friend got married and it was, hands down, one of the best days in the year. He seems to agree.
September: Things seemed to go a bit wrong for me in September, due to circumstances I still claim were wildly out of control. However, I was still having sex every now and again, and because this is a sex blog, I even managed to write about it. I often complain that people don't describe sex enough in their blogs, but this is terrible hypocrisy as I hardly ever do so myself. Here's an attempt to remedy that that probably won't make you horny.
October: A month of basically nothing, during which Alain Siritzky died. Here's my affectionate tribute to him, which includes a quote used without permission and a reference to Victor Zsasz from Batman, and yet still manages to be reverent. I count that as a success.
November: This is one of the most important posts you'll read all year, and yet I'm still surprised I didn't get attacked for it.
December: Hasn't finished yet.
I'm hesitant to choose a post for December because one of the most popular types of post, conversations with my "interesting" friends, hasn't actually made it onto this list, and it should do. There certainly were many amusing moments this year, but I don't seem to have written about them that much. In a couple of days, it's my friend-who-is-a-teacher's annual Christmas dinner, and that's always been amusing before, so there may be something from that...
In any case, as a "so far" placeholder, here's a post about an ongoing project I've started, in which I'm programming a basic sex act roulette. There will, in fact, be revisions of this, on which I'm working, partially because I'm a massive anally-retentive geek and partly because I'm a massive anally-retentive geek who wants to prove BASIC isn't dead.
So as I said... not the best of years, but if I didn't have my blog, I'd probably have gone insane by this point. So thank you for reading, everyone - and please keep doing so. I'd do the same if I were you!
And I've just updated all the awesome blogs in my blogroll on the right. Go read those too.