Tuesday, 30 December 2014


I woke up this morning in the honest belief that I had just masturbated twice to two different scenes from soft porn, and that I had assumed I would orgasm from the first, but didn't; also, that my girlfriend was watching curiously from the side; that this had all happened under the bedclothes; and that I couldn't get up to do so because Graeme Garden was sitting at my desk and I didn't want him to notice.

I didn't dream this. It just seemed as if this was what had just happened when I awoke, which is why I sat up consciously aware of my nudity, reflecting on why I didn't orgasm so easily and wondering where Graeme was.

Hooray, Radio 4.

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