After a few months of frustrated despair at not being able to find both two of the episodes (#3 and #6) and the alleged musical extravaganza that accompanies them, I got into contact with writer/director Rolfe Kanefsky, who very kindly agreed to send me copies of the missing episodes. So I now have a complete collection. Uhm, here endeth the lesson?
In any case, I've now watched everything I missed. Episode three (Sex, Chocolate & Emmanuelle) I like - lots of sex, a rollicking adventure storyline, and one of the best characters - Gwen, played by Bridgette Hudson - gets to come out of her shell a little. But, although I enjoyed it, I was more intrigued by THIS:
Yes, it is ridiculous - it's completely nonsensical, it bears no relation to the plot at all, the songs are of varying quality and there's actually very little sex for an Emmanuelle flick. And it is also completely brilliant because it is, apart from anything else, totally unique and dangerously entertaining.
And has a scene with a rapping Ron Jeremy. That one'll stay with you.
Appearance: Emmanuelle in Wonderland, aka Emmanuelle's Sex Tales (2012)
Characters: Snow White & The Huntsman (the characters, not the film with Chris Hemsworth in it)
Rolfe also informed me - and I had been wondering this - that film six in the series is a more canonical version of Wonderland, named Sex Tales. A quick viewing of Sex Tales confirms that it is indeed the same story, albeit with some of the songs removed and more sex... much more sex. This kind of tears me in two due to my affection of softcore sex and ingrained love of musical theatre - not to mention the vast knowledge I have of fantasy fiction and fairy tale lore - so, as you can imagine, I watched the whole of Wonderland perched on the edge of my chair halfway through imagination and amusement, and almost forgot to choose a scene to review.
Enter Nataliya Joy Prieto, who plays my favourite character in the series: young, ditzy actress Renee.
|Gregory was always surprised at his own reflection.|
Unlike most of the scenes in Sex Tales, Wonderland doesn't actually skip out on this scene, although what it does show is a heavily cut-down version which might be at home in something rated 12A. I'm not a fan of cut-down softcore, but at least this film has Ron Jeremy doing a rap, which... actually, no, you'd better make up for this in other ways, movie. Sex Tales itself has the full scene, so that's what we'll be watching. Let's dive in, shall we?
She climbs on top of him the second he enters the mirror, and they tumble backwards onto a bed which just happens to be there, all accompanied by...
...Canon in D? Really?
|Well, it's one way of showing off your boobs.|
The next part made me laugh out load and I genuinely had to stop writing in order to get all the laughs out. Renee pushes him back onto the bed playfully, and then jumps onto him, audibly shouting a little "yay!". It's almost as if she's going to follow with a "wheeeeeee, sex!". Love it.
On top goes Gregory and he starts eating her out, which I suppose is only fair since his job was originally to kill her, and then off go the panties. One quick flourish, a jump cut, bish bash bosh, yay sex!
|"Hmmm... now what shall I have for dinner later?"|
So they start with reverse cowgirl and I am immediately reminded of why I love Renee's sex scenes so much. They're full of energy and she's rocking back and forth like a pro - not too fast not too slow - with a classic look on her face that I'm very sorry not to have screencapped. She gives another audible "aah!" before falling forwards, but this doesn't stop any of the action; they just continue having sex, Renee bending forwards to hold onto Gregory's feet for balance (yes, really) while continuing to ride him. She even changes facial expressions a few times, including one where she looks like she's having a think.
|Alas, poor Yorick.|
I have no idea what it's like to have sex with a wild boar and I have no idea how Renee knows, but I'm not going to question her.
As the sex ramps up in terms of intensity and speed, the vocalisations start coming - not only Renee's characteristic moans (she does them in every scene), but also the comment, "so much for being pure as snow!" from Gregory. Clearly unimpressed by this joke, Renee then shuts him up by slapping her boobs in his face, and is then flipped over into missionary, at which point we see that the Huntsman is still wearing tigerskin boots - at least, that's what I think they are, or else ASDA was out of all other designs of Ugg boots - and Renee, who is also wearing shoes, starts doing the YMCA with her legs. Supple.
You probably don't care, but this is the bit which they kept in for Wonderland, as it's a close-up - and it's not a bad bit, either, with Renee starting the "oh yes!" mantra that she espouses in all her more lucid moments. A few more thrusts and we're done and there's an immediate cut back to Gregory trying to get it on with the magic mirror. Was it all a dream?
I don't care.
So, synopsis. Well, I love this series and I especially love Nataliya Joy Prieto and I really love Renee -
|It's so fun to stay here.|
What I haven't mentioned is that, throughout, there are Tree of Life-esque cuts to various shots of tropical birds, which is confusing. But I suppose it makes a change from constant mix shots, and it's better than those of the same ilk during Emmanuelle in Space, where those shots can be a little tiring - this is just pleasant confusion.
But hey, enough of Canon in D. If you want great quality music, well, look no further than this!