Friday, 31 October 2014

Losing it

I will admit that I've been a bit confused this week as to the current spate of people writing various "first time" posts - I've seen some people doing it as a Wicked Wednesday entry - although it did get me thinking about my own first time. I have written about various firsts, of course: my first orgasm, for example, is still one of my favourite posts of all time. But I don't really think I've ever written about the first time I had full-on all-the-way sex (blowjobs are different, but that's another story...). So, erm, here it is, I suppose.

Wicked Wednesday entries I enjoyed, by the way, can be found at Sex Blog (of sorts) and Horny Geek Girl - I'm sure there are more, but those ones stood out. This isn't one (as it isn't Wednesday), but I was inspired. So sue me.

Out of the eight people I've had full sex with, three were virgins, and I was pleased - very pleased - to be able to lose my own virginity to someone who was a virgin herself. She had, for some reason, told all her friends that she wasn't - doing it underage was in vogue or something, I don't know - but, in any case, we were both completely inexperienced insofar as penetrative sex was concerned. By this point in our relationship, however, I think it's fair to say we were ready - we had been going for a couple of months; we'd gone well past the "sneaky feeling-up and occasional flashes of boob" stage; we were already making plans for the future. I was 17; she was 16. I'd even read up on The Pill since I thought that I'd be having sex for the first time at some point.

Of course, I never dreamed that it'd actually happen, but I was cautious.

The build-up was immense - a lot of cuddling, giggling at each other like we'd overdosed on Cheering Charms, much awkward fumbling and always being uncertain as to where this would lead to. A bit of it involved 47's bed, although I've no idea why I even remember that. For a while, we were really ready for it. And it was the first time I'd seen her naked, the first time I sucked her nipple or stroked her mound. And yet, when it got to the point of no return... it went a bit wrong.

The reason being the condom that I was wearing.

I wasn't going in unprepared. I just had no idea that I'd be having real sex at any point that weekend. I'd envisioned a weekend full of dry-humping and slightly awkward lewd suggestions while holding on to the flashing V that everyone at school had been trying to hard to lose (Lightsinthesky had already managed it; several other people had, too, but they weren't as vocal about it). I didn't have any protection with me because I wasn't going to need any. But there were condoms available - they were promotional condoms branded by a rock band.

Yeah, really.

So I put one of them on. I knew how to from sex education - the problem being that the latex was so thick that I couldn't feel much at all. I'm quite big, as well, when erect (I'm a grower... apparently), so I found the thick sheath of latex quite constricting on my cock; while the familiar pleasurable pulse when turned on was still evident, I felt myself getting a little squeezed, and I was getting less and less turned on by the second. I felt dull and uninspired, and even like I didn't have a penis any more, and yet I had a naked girlfriend who was clearly very wet indeed in front of me. For a while, I panicked.

I kept trying. I did. I kept trying to get my penis inside her, but, what with the thickness of the condom and - let's be honest - first-time nerves, I found it impossible (months later, I heard this referred to as "couldn't get it up". That's not true - I could get it up; things were conspiring against me!). I even gave up at one point and sat on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands. She tried fellating me - although I'm pretty sure it didn't taste great as I was still wearing the condom at that point - and, just as I was beginning to give up hope and reclaim my flashing V for eternity, she straddled me, and I was at the right angle, and I was hard, and that's it. I was in. Sex à go-go.


The sensation, as I described later, was akin to dipping my erect penis into warm water - perhaps not the mind-blowing, description-defying sensation that I now know sex to be. And, to be fair, this wasn't anything to do with her, me, or the fact that there wasn't any movement going on. I later found out that it was, of course, the condom that caused this sensation - the next time we had sex, I used a much thinner one from Durex and that was dramatically better sex as well - however, both the thought of sex and the creeping realisation that I actually was having sex at the tender age of 17 kept me up. And so there we were, having sex.

Of a sort.

It was enough. Our sex life waxed, and then waned, throughout the course of our relationship. The first few times, after that initial one, were experimental. I tried a few different condoms and eventually she did actually go on the pill. We went on holiday together and had sex in a caravan at one point. But mostly on her bed. And once in the bath... but that ended up on her bed anyway. And I started to masturbate at that point. It did take me months before I started coming inside her, but that happened too. So, although I wouldn't say my first time was fantastic - because it wasn't, I couldn't feel anything - it could have been much worse, considering what it led to in the long term.

And at least it didn't hurt. And that counts, right?

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