Thursday, 9 October 2014

Is it possible to be too nice in bed?

A tweet of mine was quoted in Metro this morning in response their weekly "LOL people have sex" column - the correspondent in question having been dumped for being "too nice", something I sympathised with, having been told the following at least once:

You're a really kind, passive person... and I find that a very unattractive quality in a man.

In (what I hope was) understanding sympathy, I tweeted the following:

Thankfully, the people who write the column's response seemed to agree with me - although I'm not so sure being nice is an indication of low self-esteem... cliché much?

However, what really got to me - other than the idiot who spouted the "nice guys never win" mantra of the arrogant and the column at the bottom of the page promoting a site where people can write anonymous blog posts about their sex lives, as if that's a new thing! - was the question that Metro saw fit to append to the page, repeated three times throughout the paper. Clearly nobody has answered this, so here's my answer:

Is it possible to be too nice in bed?


Communicating with your partner to find out what they like in bed... that's being nice!

Getting consent and agreeing on safe boundaries... that's being nice!

Being gentle and kind because they feel like they want a soft touch... that's being nice!

Exhausting yourselves with a long, hard shag because you want to work off energy... that's being nice!

Experimenting with yourself to discover what works for you and incorporating that into your sex life... that's being nice!

Physically inflicting pain on your partner if they want it, like it, work with it? That's being nice!

Doing anything - anything - that you both want to do because it feels good for you both during sex? That's being nice!

No, it's not possible! It's necessary!

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