Friday, 15 August 2014

Lord Rolle

If I still put my hand to my top lip and press down I can feel a lump inside my flesh, like a spot that hasn't broken out yet. My right leg is pretty healed; it doesn't hurt any more, which helps - and the graze on my elbow is gone. This would be fine...

...if I hadn't done the same sort of thing the other day.

To be fair, this was rather more spectacular (albeit with a little less blood) than the last time I tripped over. I was in the cinema, in fact, merrily laughing my way through The Inbetweeners 2, when I decided that the time was right to go to the toilet. Being that twat who walks across a row of seats, I swiftly clattered down the stairs towards the exit.

I don't know how I tripped. I just did, staggering over a microbe of something รก la Calamity James. In any case, with two stairs in my way, I fell, once again heading towards the ground at breakneck speed, throwing out a hand to stop myself smashing my face again, with full knowledge that a bleeding lip may dampen the spirits of the comedy film somewhat.

However, because I was going downstairs at speed beforehand, something else happened.

I hit the ground, and inertia carried me forwards. I did a complete 360° rotation on the floor - an entirely involuntary roll, which would have been quite impressive if I hadn't been an idiot falling over in a full cinema screen. I ended up on my front, having been on both sides and back at certain points. I must have looked stup amazing.

Not wanting people to laugh at me any more than they actually were (which was quite a lot, to be fair), I scrambled up and limped out of the screen on my way to the toilet; it was not until I got back home that I realised that I actually had an open wound which had been bleeding a little throughout the second half. Still, I wasn't hurting so much, and assumed that my roll had taken most of the impact.

I washed my hands and promptly returned to the cinema screen...

...whereupon I fell over again.

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