|I'M SORRY, I'M DEAF IN ONE EAR! SCARLET FEVER!|
I made a repeat appointment, quietly cursing my ear in the full knowledge that it wouldn't hear what I was saying, and took the nurse's advice to get a little bottle of olive oil to put in my ear canal twice a day, lying on my side. I've never really been into putting food products anywhere except in my mouth (except for that one time), so that seemed like a prospect I wasn't going to very much enjoy. However, Cerumol ear drops are expensive, and since I don't have any money whatsoever, I got a little pipette and bottle for about £1, filled it up with extra virgin olive oil (because I am that cool), and have been lying on a towel, filling my ear with the thing I use for frying food. Twice a day.
Yesterday, we spent hours moving my sister's stuff into various recesses of SH, and this included moving the sofa bed I've been sleeping on into the lounge for her benefit. Her bed, which was taken apart by my dad, has been moved into our room, reconstructed with what seems like far too much effort for a Saturday evening, and OH MY GLOD IT IS THE MOST COMFORTABLE THING EVER at least when compared to the sofa bed I HAD THE BEST SLEEP OF MY LIFE I really hope my sister hasn't had too much sex on this bed because why do I think about these things?
So today I lay my towel down, got onto my side on the bed, filled the pipette with olive oil, dropped it into my ear canal and...
...the bed was soft and I felt like I was sinking into it.
...my ear was full and I couldn't hear anything out of it.
...my other ear was pressed against the bed and I couldn't hear anything out of it either.
This was, without a doubt, one of the most trippy experiences I've ever had. I closed my eyes and felt an almost complete disconnection to... well, everything, really. Who needs drugs, I reasoned, when you can just stuff liquidised olea europaea into your orifices? I almost thought of marketing it, when I realised that this was an incredibly idiotic idea, and went back to feeling slightly not there.
Ten more minutes of feeling out of my body when I realised I'd had the feeling before. I sat bolt upright.
"Hey!" I said to myself because nobody else was in the room. "I know! This is just like the feeling I get after I have an orgasm!"
I almost punched the air with my realisation. However, at that point, my hand found itself busy being covered with olive oil that came pouring out of my ear as a result of my forgetting what I was doing before having such an epiphany.
Ah well. At least the bed is still soft. In fact, keep adding olive oil and it'll be nutritious too...!