Saturday, 3 May 2014


I'm not lazy. Not really. Well, not genuinely. I may seem lazy; it's difficult to get me out of bed when I don't technically need to be. It's not easy to get me to work in the mornings and it's nigh on impossible to distract me from wherever I am when I've decided I've absolutely, positively got to have a speedy wank. But I wouldn't call me lazy.

Other people would, but I wouldn't.

It's the same old situation when it's a warm Saturday afternoon and you've just done grocery shopping at the Sainsbury's down the road. You've played through a mission of Luigi's Mansion 2 and you're even considering doing that again; there may well be e-mails to be answered, but who's going to do that on a Saturday? You have ever-so-small stirrings in your pants which suggests that your penis needs a bit of attention, but that can always happen later.

You enter your bedroom to find your girlfriend sleeping with just enough space to fit your frame in behind her. Well, I ask you, what would you do? What with your ability to just perch yourself on the bed and put an arm around her. Nuzzle your face in her hair, stroke her arm gently, maybe even close your eyes yourself. I mean, it really seems like the obvious course of action, doesn't it?

And then there's always the chance to show a bit of affection after she wakes up, right? It probably won't be very long. As long as you don't fall asleep, of course.

Two hours later...

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