Saturday, 31 May 2014

La Petite Mort (pour toujours)

Since this is the end of May, Masturbation Month is almost over. This, of course, makes absolutely no difference to me whatsoever; my masturbatory habits are unchanged whether or not it's May. I suppose that is the same for everyone, but nevertheless, I felt as if I needed to clarify this.

I don't masturbate the same way I used to. When I was living alone (whether I was single or not, but certainly living alone) I used to masturbate an average of once a day. Twice or maybe three times during my stranger periods at university, perhaps, but mostly I sat in my computer chair in my bedroom at home, having a good old-fashioned wank to whatever I felt like wanking to at the time. It takes me quite a while to orgasm at the best of times, and because I often had precious little else to do (or that I wanted to do), I did like to take my time (these sessions often lasted about half an hour or more), warming myself up for a while before going for the main event. I learned the art of shifting rapidly between sex scenes with my left hand while my right one kept up the stimulation, and ended up sponging down my chair because there was A STAIN.

This is no longer the way I wank.

That's sad, in a way. I kind of miss it. My living situation has changed - I'm in a different house, a smaller one, with the same set of parents but a room that's smaller, less private, and crucially, often has a girlfriend in it. I'd feel a little strange (to put it lightly) to spend my time bashing one out at my computer with her sitting less than a metre away. I mean, I may be good, but I'm not good at being that surreptitious. These days, I tend to masturbate after sex (if I haven't already had enough - I tend to get about two orgasms out on a good day), in the bathroom if I really feel the need to, and occasionally a sneaky one if everyone else is out and I'm left alone. Since I don't use toys, it's pretty easy to just pull down my trousers and take control - it's the fear of getting caught that keeps me from doing so that much...

The best wank I've had this year was nary a week ago, when I was about to go to camp. This was the day after the election on the 22nd, and I had a strange ghostland period after returning from work. I'd been up all night watching politics unfold in a most unfavourable fashion and then immediately taken my girlfriend to Victoria Coach Station so that she could return to the homelands to vote herself. I had excused myself from work a bit early because I fell asleep halfway through talking to a client, went home, and was waiting (patiently, I hope) for someone to come and pick me up for camp. I had a few hours to kill and it seemed the obvious solution.

So I had an old style wank: in my computer chair (with a towel beneath me; I don't really want to stain this one), in front of that which is always guaranteed to get me off: soft porn, chosen from the selection I have on my external HD (I didn't have the patience to try one of my Discs of Wonder™ - they don't always work too well, often leading to mass frustration). I took my time, once again, building myself up and getting to a point which I found acceptable, then speeding up and taking control, eventually losing it just before the point of no return and covering my hand (and bits of my stomach; I always overshoot) with my warm, sticky semen.

It was glorious.

In fact, later on that day I did it again (while still waiting to go to camp) and even managed to persuade @tryitprincess to have a play herself - to which I enjoyed her response: "so good!".

I don't think we need a Masturbation Month, although raising awareness of why it's important is always a noble cause - they still, as far as I'm aware, don't mention it in schools (unlike porn, which is occasionally mentioned by sixth form boys) during sex ed - but you can (should!) do it at any time. Just like wanking, in fact. But I think that, in some ways, it is fitting that I had my best masturbation during Masturbation Month.


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