Sunday, 23 March 2014

Soft Porn Sexless

"Really?" says Regina Russell.
...or How To Waste Your Time More Effectively Than You Ever Thought Possible.

Out of all the soft porn I've seen, 1999's Dungeon of Desire (one of Surrender's last) is one specific film I have a certain affection for. There are a number of reasons for this: I like the cast (apart from stalwarts like Regina Russell, Mia Zottoli, Amber Newman, Jason Schnuit John Stevens, et al., there are a number of cast members who get to do things without really having sex at all), I like the plot (it's ridiculous, but in a fun way), I like the acting (Regina Russell, in particular, has a pretty believable turn here as put-upon model Jill), and it also has a brilliant lesbian sex scene among other things.

It's probably got more than one lesbian sex scene. I wouldn't really know. I haven't seen it since I was about 17.

Thing is, I spent about an hour yesterday looking for it. Some soft porn's easy to obtain via DVD or downloading; some isn't. While it's relatively easy to find scenes being streamed on Dailymotion or downloadable via sites like CMA, whole films are becoming increasingly harder to come by due to both copyright laws and gradually fading interest. But I rationalised that, since there was once a DVD available, there will have been - at some time or another - a rip of the whole movie, and that it will also have been floating around on the web, and that I should be able to find it.

I found it. And, just because I'm that cool, I decided to watch it during lunch.

Unbeknownst to me (and I've very little idea why), there are two versions of this film. I've seen the tactic used before (in The Exotic Time Machine, which I sold for a tenner), but I've still very little idea of why. What they've done is... wait for it...

...they've cut out all the sex scenes and left the story completely intact.

Okay, now take a while to process that. As I've said, I love the story, the acting's sound and (apart from
This is as explicit as it gets.
a visible boom mike in practically every shot) it's not a badly-done film. But this is marketed as soft porn; there are going to be a multitude of sex scenes in it, and they fill out the film. It's even meant to titillate - that's the whole point of the genre! Some of the scenes even lend themselves to the plot... so that makes no sense either! What we're handed instead of sex scenes is an edited version of the scene, usually lasting about twenty seconds or even less, showing bits of the actors pretending to have sex in a pretty sterile way that may merit a 15 certificate, but certainly not be marketed as softcore in any particular sense.

There's quite a lot of nudity in Dungeon of Desire, which is good, because realistically, we're not going to get much else with this sort of thing, so all the scenes where everyone is gratuitously nude (for the most outlandish reasons - apparently, people need to be naked for magic to work, but I'll let them have that one) keep the thing ticking along nicely with shots of boobs and backs, but nevertheless, I see absolutely no reason why one would even want to machete the sex scenes into small chunks while avoiding anything that contains a bum or a thigh. What, is this the version Jason Schnuit wanted to show his children, or something?


But here's the terrible, horrifying thing about it all.

I'll probably watch it again at some point.

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