I've got to get a sexual reference in here somehow.
I was playing a board game with my family. I wasn't winning, but wasn't doing too badly. Still, I shouldn't really have any idea about that; the rules are about as simple as trying to fathom Sherlock's thought pattern. It's even meant to be played in four parts and, an hour in, we were still struggling to clear part one.
I wouldn't recommend this game. Give me Wario Ware instead, and then we'll talk.
Still, I set myself a challenge. Get as many sexual references in as possible, and I'd reward myself with a cookie for each one. This is before I realised that cookies aren't, in fact, vegan - and therefore the only thing I'd be rewarded with would be a lazy sort of smug self-satisfaction. I get that enough via just being me. Still, I soldiered on.
Dad scored a point.
"What does that mean?" asked my mother, my father, my girlfriend and my cat all at once.
I consulted the rules. They confirmed that every time someone levelled-up in this game, their playing piece (a long, thin post) should be adorned with a decorative "crown" (actually a thin ring of cheap plastic) to denote their level: white, blue, green, red, and gold in that order.
"Okay, so you need to put a ring on Dad's pole," I said.
"Job done!" said my shoulder angel.
"What?" said I. "What did I... oh!"
Life is remarkably easy sometimes.