Monday, 23 December 2013


I've done a lot this year; in fact, it's been perhaps the year in which the most changes have happened in my life since university. It's not really been a "good" year, though. I'm writing this updated FAQ in the hope that 2014 will prove to be a better year, in at least some small ways. The same hope goes for Christmas, really.

On a brighter note, I've now been writing ILB for six years! Anyway, on with my annual tradition of talking about me...

  • I'm Innocent Loverboy (often referred to as simply "ILB" if you're lazy) - not "Innocent Lover Boy"! I have other names, of course, but you don't need to know any of those. My original e-mail address contained the name "Tim". My name's not Tim.
  • For just over a year, I've been in my fourth "official" relationship - my girlfriend, who will be referenced here from time to time, is the writer/journalist Jilly Boyd. Since the age of 4, I've had the same bunch of friends (we met at Woodcraft Folk) - Robinson, Mane, scene girl, a young raver, Hairy Friend, plus a friend-who-is-a-teacher, a friend-who-is-a-midwife and a friend-who-is-a-nurse! They are all referenced as well. I also have other friends named H and 47. On occasion, I'll add a new character to this blog, and I tend to think of a name then and there.
  • I stand for a lot of causes: I'm a pacifist, vegetarian, environmentalist, socialist and am genuinely active in those areas. I'm a paid member of The Green Party, for whom I campaign. I occasionally use this blog to get political, although not very often. My current campaign is against censorship, something I've been against for years, but has come more into prominence in recent years, due to... reasons.
  • I'm a Christian! Yes, really!
  • Oh, and in case you were wondering, everyone here is real. There's no fiction on this blog unless I indicate it's fiction. I don't write a lot of erotic fiction, so you won't find a lot here.

  • This is a sex blog, although if you're one of my parents... well, it's still a sex blog, I suppose. It's always been a sex blog. I'd like to think there's a good mix of sexy, relationshippy, comedy and lifestyle-y posts, but I'd be lying. Still, this is a blog in which I talk about sex (and more often than not my own views on sexuality and sexual topics), so if you're under 18, you probably shouldn't be reading this - although I'm anti-censorship, so if you're mature enough to read this without being offended, go ahead. I'm not going to stop you.
  • This blog (also entitled "Innocent Loverboy" because I'm LAZY) is unlike a lot of blogs, because the majority of them are written by ladies. I'm a boy; I've always referred to myself as a boy (I don't like the phrase "man") and - although there are some other male sex blogs - according to Channel 4, there aren't any. I'm not a typical boy, but then again, I don't think there are any boys that are.
  • Unlike the majority of sex blogs, there isn't a lot of BD/SM in this one. I'm not into B/D, D/S or S/M, nor am I into many sorts of sexual "play" (unless you count "foreplay", which I do like very much). I'm quite vanilla when it comes to sex; this doesn't mean I'm boring, of course, but I don't really like sex which is too kinky. This doesn't mean I'm not interested - I write about sex and I'm fascinated by every aspect - it just means it doesn't work for me.

  • I both live and work in London - I live in North London, and I work in Central London, into which I commute every day. I won't say what my job is here (besides being an occasional sex writer and musician-writer-actor-comedian), but I do have experience in areas such as healthcare, education, arts, animal care and bookselling. If you're interested, by the way, yes - you may have seen me in a film.
  • I live with my girlfriend in a room in a shared house owned by a family from Kenya. It's not ideal (it's small, cramped, unfriendly and there's mould setting in) and, frankly, it's becoming a bit unbearable. I'm on a very low wage and so is she, and we got refused for a lot of flats because we are a couple. If I could have one wish for 2014, it's to move into a new place. My dad (who is an actor too) is going to help us with that.
  • I have a large family, divided into four vague sectors (seven, if you count people having split off and living in other areas). There are four main houses which serve as a hub for branches of family: one that belongs to my aunt, one for my uncle, one for my grandparents and one, SH, where my parents live. That's where I'm typing this from because we're staying at SH over the festive period. I have a lovely cat, Willow. Since the death of my paternal grandparents and not counting boyfriends, girlfriends, my cousin's husband and cats, there are 14 left in my family.

  • I was born in 1985.
  • I started blogging in 2001. The first sentence I typed was, "it's so unfair, sometimes".
  • I started ILB in 2007 with a FAQ, of which this is the seventh iteration. As you may have seen, I update this at least once a week. My aim is to blog every day, but things sometimes get in the way. If you're new, there's a whole back catalogue to read. If you've read everything I've written, you're probably me. If you're bored, there's a blogroll to the right.
  • I've been at my current day job since the beginning of 2013. It took me a long period of unemployment to find the job. It's precarious and low-paid. I don't get holiday pay, sick leave or a pension. I'm under-appreciated and my mum doesn't like me doing it, but I actually quite like my job. It doesn't involve computers very much, which is good, because I use computers for a hobby.

  • I'm using Blogger for this blog because it was the first one I thought of. I used to be on LiveJournal; I suppose I still am, although that's not connected to ILB very much! Most of my blogging friends (and my mother) blog using WordPress and/or are self-hosted, which has become a trend in the sex blogosphere these days. I find Blogger perfectly serviceable for my needs, but if I need to move, I'll do it. I just don't want to right now.
  • I write my blog using a mix of stories from my past, stories from my present, funny things my friends and/or family have said, reflections on aspects of sexuality, current affairs, and explicit descriptions of sex I've had. I occasionally participate in sex memes, plus I have my own meme named "Soft Porn Sunday", which proves two things: one, I love softcore; two, the claim that I have no time is clearly a lie - I have too much time.
  • Less frequent posts, which supplement the bulk of the general mulch I write, include occasional short stories and sex toy reviews. There aren't a lot of sex toy reviews here, unlike a lot of sex blogs. Why? Because I don't get sent much. I've never actually managed to have an orgasm using a sex toy; that doesn't mean I dislike them, as such - they just don't work for me!
  • I spend my free time being geeky, making websites, writing, reading and playing video games. I play a lot of video games. I also masturbate a lot and have sex with my girlfriend. You'll find me on Twitter, on which I am geeky, talk about websites, write, read, report on video games, masturbate and have sex with my girlfriend. Although not over Twitter.* (*I have, actually, had cybersex in the past - quite a lot of it, in fact - but never over Twitter. IRC, I find, works better for this!)

  • I think the above questions kind of answer this! Let me ask you, then: why are you reading ILB? Answers in the comments, if you please!

And that's enough, I think! I'm going to add a new category, though, so you can probably compare tastes!

  • Food: Cheese - although I'm going vegan in January, so won't be able to eat that any more. I'm a vegetarian, but don't really like vegetables very much. I prefer fruit and nuts, beans and pulses. My favourite meal is a Sunday roast (with a vegetarian pie and roast potatoes).
  • Drink: Lemonade - cloudy, clear, or Icy Lemon Fanta, which is my favourite. My favourite juice is orange. I'm teetotal, so I won't list anything alcoholic.
  • Book: Lord Of The Flies by William Golding. My favourite genre is children's fantasy, although I'll read practically anything.
  • Film: My girlfriend's more of a film buff, but if I had to choose, I wouldn't know what to say. I'll go with Spirited Away, since it's a great film in any way you choose, really.
  • Game: Super Mario World. I maintain that this one is unbeatable.
  • Colour: Blue - preferably nice shades of dark blue, like royal, navy or fisherman's. The colour my bedroom was in (before my parents moved house) was called "blue jive". My eyes are also blue!
  • Porn Film: Virgins of Sherwood Forest by Surrender Cinema. As I've said before, I'm not a fan of hardcore, but I do consider soft porn an art form.
  • Word: "Laura", the female name. Not for any specific person; but aesthetically, I like the word. In fact, all my favourite names begin with L - "Louise", "Lucy", "Lara", "Leon" and "Lloyd" are also among my favourites. I like "Sophie", too, but that's an anomaly.
  • Comedian: Stephen Fry - although it's a choice between a lot of different ones. I like British humour the most, and I have a particular taste for comedy on Radio 4.
  • Band: James.
  • Solo Artist: Tom Lehrer. I love musical comedy. It's one of my own hobbies (I do have quite a good musical comedy act!), and I'm friends with rising musical comedian Jay Foreman - although he probably doesn't know I'm ILB! My favourite musical comedians also include Mitch Benn, Flanders & Swann, Frisky & Mannish, Amateur Transplants (Hi, Adam!) and the aforementioned Jay.
  • Instrument: The piano - although I can't play it very well. I, personally, play guitar, violin, drums and both tuned and tuned percussion. I've a particular fondness for the xylophone and I own two glockenspiels. Most of my songs have ended up with a glockenspiel solo, because I'm just that kind of guy!
  • Actor: My dad. Because he's my dad. And he's a good actor! I think so, at least.

Right! Well, that's enough. If I don't blog again before, happy Christmas, if that is at all possible. And have a sexy, messy and uncomfortable new year.

Here's a picture of a question for you to answer.


Anonymous said...

just out of curiosity, what don't you like about the word (and the connotations of) "man?"

Innocent Loverboy said...

I don't like football.

Okay, more seriously...

I've been told, several times by several people, to "man up" - a phrase I detest, especially when used as a synonym for "be physically strong, inflexible, arrogant, grizzled" - macho, in other words - none of which I actually count among my characteristics. One person, in particular, was particularly upset that I didn't "man up", as she found my default setting (resolving, caring, kind, accommodating, etc.) unattractive.

I'm going to define myself as male, because that's what I am, but these connotations of "man" aren't things I want to associate with myself; even if they're not what everyone says, they've been said to me. I don't want to be like that.

Nor am I like that. Wanting me to "man up" basically means "change your character traits".

"Man" also seems to imply age. I'm well aware that I'm getting inexorably older. "Boy", in some ways, reminds me that I am still under 30 - and that there's some time left, anyway.

Oh, and "innocent loverman" sounds awful!

Sati said...

I am here because you are fabulously entertaining, dear. ;)

I arrived via a google search for Derek Brazell's Point Romance covers, and was intrigued to find not only someone who remembered those books (I thought I was the only one) but a male someone, at that. I continued to read when you mentioned something about speaking Japanese - there are not enough Japanese speakers in England. (I'm at University of Hertfordshire in Hatfield, one of the few unis that do a Japanese degree, and there are STILL hardly any speakers here.) And you gained my undying readership (that doesn't sound quite right) when you took a picture of yourself with your head stuck in your jumper and the caption, "You will be eaten by a grue." Finally! I thought. Someone who shares my sense of humour!

So that's why I'm on ILB, although I don't comment as often as I should - principally because I hate commenting from iPhone and I don't turn my laptop on enough.

The vanilla thing, I feel you on. Until last year I hung out a lot on a couple sex sites, and often felt like the only unadventurous person there. In time I came to believe that vanilla is just a starting point to become strawberry cheesecake, or cookies & cream, or apple strudel, or chocolate-amaretto swirl. As a vanilla person I have room for experimentation, to be whoever I want to be at any given time and not be tied to one particular kink. It's nice to be able to embrace it rather than feeling like I'm the single bran muffin in a box of frosted cupcakes.

I'm done with the food comparisons, I promise.

Innocent Loverboy said...

I do like food. And thank you for finding me entertaining!

Ladypandorah said...

Happy six-year bloggiversary!

It makes me rather smiley to see that you are still blogging after this time to a high calibre and relatively prolifically too.

The reason why I'm here? Simply because what you write about I want to read and enjoy reading. Your words raise wry smiles, quizzical confuzzlement and general happiness. You also don't shy away from the not-so-happy parts of your life and write touchingly.

I like reading these annual FAQs and shall look forward to next year's, fellow cloudy lemonade drinker!

LadyP xo

Innocent Loverboy said...

Thank you! Nice words, as usual. It's nice to see at least one person saying I'm of a high calibre. Very few other people think that, it seems!

I don't think it makes a lot of sense to pretend that things don't happen if they're unhappy; they're parts of my life!

Next year I may well do a different FAQ. Maybe a more positive one. But, y'know how things are...!