|Is this sexy? (Clue: No.)|
I've done this twice before (and not always through laziness, although that is the usual reason). Two years ago, I was at college (fourth time around) and still managed to grow one, although I looked like a porn star from the Seventies when I did so. After I'd managed to stem the flow of blood from various bits of my neck yesterday, I inspected the damage and saw, once again, that I'd revealed a latter-day Ron Jeremy, which the led to the idea I had for this post.
Some porn stars have moustaches. I mean, why wouldn't they? Men grow facial hair; leave it for a while and you've got a moustache. But not many of them. Apart from the aforementioned Ron Jeremy, I can't think of any male porn stars with facial hair at all (although maybe one of you could help me out?). Peter North, Evan Stone, James Deen... I can't recall any scenes I've seen with any of those sporting even so much as a goatee, never mind a full moustache. Mind you, my knowledge of hardcore porn is limited, so let's move on to something I'm more familiar with.
|Ken Kerr. Nice bloke. Lovely teeth.|
In all honesty, the first place my brain went was Emmanuelle, specifically First Contact (or Queen of
|Help! They've put Mario in soft porn!|
Nope, more effective. Haffron morphs into a clone of Richard and has sex with Alexandra himself.
I'm done here.
What confused me about this (apart from the completely ridiculous EVERYTHING) was the fact that real Richard doesn't have a moustache, while Haffron!Richard has one roughly the size of Nebraska. While you'd think Alexandra (being his ex-wife and all) may notice, the film casually glosses over that part, choosing instead to make a hilarious joke in which Haffrard claims that "this thing is itchy". Utter hilarity.
|Straight to the point.|
I doubt this is a stylistic choice. Moustaches were probably more popular in the Seventies. RM himself had one, Semper Fidelis (Michael Finn) and Mr. Peterbuilt (Pat Wright) also sport them in Beneath... as does Lavonia's husband, Lamar Shedd (Ken Kerr). In fact, the only men without moustaches in Beneath are the ones with whom she doesn't have sex - the exception being Rhett, but he's meant to be 14 years old and therefore wouldn't have one anyway.
And that's it. I can think of four characters in soft porn with noticeable moustaches. Four. And three of those are from the same film! Bearing in mind how much soft porn I've seen in the last sixteen years of my life, that's really not a lot!
So... why does soft porn shy away from moustaches (or, actually, body hair at all... the exception, again, being RM's films), particularly when they suggest masculinity? Is there something wrong with mouth fuzz, particularly when some girls I know have stated categorically that they find it incredibly sexy? I'm not a fan myself per se, but nevertheless, hair can't be considered totally unattractive...
Having thought about this, the best reason I can come up with is that a lack of facial hair is suggestive of youth, which in turn suggests virility. Yes, this may seem an incredibly questionable connection,
|Let it shine! Let it shine! Let it shine!|
Mind you, this is only a guess on my part. Like I said, I don't particularly find the moustache a particularly attractive accoutrement. But, in most soft porn, they are conspicuous by their peculiar absence, leaving the characters with them (and beards, at that - grow a beard in softcore and kiss any hope of sex goodbye), and while I won't complain too much about that, it does make me wonder - for what it's worth - exactly why that is!
Any ideas? Answers on a postcard...!