Friday, 29 November 2013

Burning bright

Anyone seen Puppet Master?

No, not the episode of Glee. Although, now I mention it, you should see that too. It's hilarious. What I'm referring to is the seminal low-budget horror classic by Full Moon Entertainment.

No, I haven't seen it either. Admittedly, I hadn't heard of it until yesterday evening. I don't even want to see it, specifically, but researching it led me to find out I could have $999!

...

Let's have some CONTEXT!

Yesterday evening, one thing led to another and I ended up researching Full Moon, the company that owns a lot of other, smaller companies, including Surrender Cinema. Surrender, despite being my all-time favourite peddler of glossy smut, don't have a website of their own, but they do have a subdivision of Full Moon's site; essentially an online shop for DVDs, but what else are they going to have?

I was idly browsing the films I haven't seen (not many, to be fair) when I came across - by following microscopic links - this.

For those of you too lazy to click the link, this is a story about softcore actress Holly Sampson - Angela in this, among other things - having had sex with Tiger Woods... yes, that Tiger Woods. Not the one from the Frosties advert. Although, from what I've heard, he has bedded most of America, so perhaps that's not too surprising. But then you know how people talk.

Assuming that the story on Full Moon's website isn't hokum, and that every single thing on there is absolutely true...

...just take a while to process that statement, as if it isn't said with tongue placed firmly in cheek, and then carry on reading...

then the most interesting thing, to me at any rate, isn't that Tiger Woods has had sex with Holly Sampson, or that Sampson in turn has had sex with Kevin Costner, or that she uses a condom during oral sex (although hooray safe sex, and all that)... it's the assumption that original prints of The Exotic Time Machine are incredibly rare, and can fetch up to $999 on eBay.

I had an original print of The Exotic Time Machine. On VHS, no less. It was the unrated director's cut and I bought it off Amazon for a pittance. I'm downloading the film right now, actually, along with some other glossy smut that I want to see. And only now do I find out that, for no reason at all, that it's actually worth something.

Because I sold it on eBay for about a tenner when I was in university.

...

Fuck.

No comments: