Tuesday, 10 September 2013

Lollipop

We were taking a stroll down the street and everyone was rather giggly. Robinson had won a whole 50p. My friend-who-is-a-teacher had had moderate success with her cakes, and my friend-who-is-a-midwife had won a prize too. In the same category I'd entered. She had a whole pound to her name. Truly, I was envious of her success.

At some point the idea of flavoured condoms came up. I'm not sure exactly how. We are like that, my friends and I, what with picking random topics out of the air according to what seems most appropriate at the time. This time, it was the flavoured condom approach.

"I've only ever used a flavoured condom once," I admitted truthfully, "and I used it for sex, not oral." I didn't mention the 'if you want to suck cock, then you might enjoy the taste as well' approach, as that's a sore point with everyone except everyone I've talked to about it. Nevertheless, I thought I ought to elaborate. "Strawberry," I explained without having been asked.

At this point the idea was mooted of there being a sugar condom. Not just tasting of sugar, but actually being a construct made of pure sugar. A vague recollection of a used packet of "candy condoms" lying on a street in Exeter floated through my head, but I let it pass. Bringing myself back to reality, I heard everyone's favourite young raver discussing at length the things you could do with a condom made of sugar.

The list consisted of this sort of stuff:
  • Having a blowjob while wearing the condom, so your partner has a pleasant taste of sugar in their mouth
  • Having a blowjob after having worn the condom, so your penis tastes of sugar and your partner has a pleasant taste of sugar in their mouth
  • Having sex while wearing the condom, so your partner has a pleasant taste of sugar in their vagina
  • Having sex after having worn the condom, so your penis tastes of sugar and your partner has a pleasant taste of sugar in their vagina
  • Exactly how the fuck would you make a condom out of sugar anyway?

And then we have this:
  • Being able to eat the condom after sex for a good-tasting snack, with a hint of salt to satiate the palate

OK, hang on a second.

I knew he was dirty, but I didn't realise that eating a sugar condom filled with his own cum was such a turn-on for people like him... or maybe just actually him. Mind you, he's probably the first person to ever think of that fetish... so score yet another piece of genius wrongness from our young raver.

Rule 34 in action, people. With sugar involved. And if The Great British Bake Off doesn't jump on this idea, well, I shall  be thoroughly dissatisfied.

No comments: