Wednesday, 18 September 2013

Blow Up

"What's 'blow'?"
"Excuse me?"
"What does 'blow' mean?"
"Well, it means a few things..." I mimed holding a balloon in front of my face and inflating it, doing what I think was a passable impression of the sound a balloon makes when you blow it up. "Blowing up a balloon. Or..." I mimed holding a whistle in my hand and whistled. "...blowing a whistle."
"What's a whistle?"
"Never mind. Or maybe..." I made a tumbleweed noise. "...the wind blows."
"Right. Thanks."

Five minutes later the same girl returned to where I was sitting.

"Can you blow someone?"
"...what?"
"Can you blow someone? Is 'blow me' a thing?"

There was a very pregnant pause.

"Yes, it's a thing."
"Can you blow me?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Can you blow me? So I can see what it is?"
"...no?"
"Why not?"
"Because..."

Another pause while I wrestled with my brain in order to extract a way to explain what "blow me" means without starting to explain the concept of fellatio.

"...it's rude, okay? It's a very rude phrase."
"What does it mean?"
"It's rude! I don't think I should tell you!"
"Oh..."

She scuttled away.

"Blew that one off," I said to myself softly.

At which point she re-appeared.

"What's a blow-off?"

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