Not that the condom machines in our hotel's toilet weren't particularly interesting anyway. They were full of inflatable sheep (for the lulz) and "novelty!" condoms ("not for barrier use!"). But this one, this one... well, this interested me.
According to the machine from which they come, these wet wipes are infused with human pheromones - scientifically proven to increase sexual attraction. As the hotel we were staying in, chosen by KW in order to minimise our costs (Blackpool, for some reason, is popular at this time of year), is apparently full to the brim with stag and hen parties throughout the summer (a fact confirmed during hotel breakfast on the second day, where we could barely hear our Rice Krispies for the amount of noise they were making), it kind of makes sense they'd be selling something to increase sexual attraction. Even if it's not guaranteed to work.
Because that's what stag and hen parties do, apparently. Which is why I never want one.
I stood and stared at this machine for ages. Surely it couldn't work? Pheromones are generated by endorphins, which in turn are generated by happiness, excitement, sex and chocolate, right? Could you just extract pheromones somehow and inject them into a wet wipe? Would that even work? Or were they just Johnson's baby wipes in a fancy condom machine which wasn't even that fancy? My mind reeled. In the end, I decided I had to review them.
At which point the machine decided to stop accepting coins.
So... no review. Mind you, I've no idea how I'd have reviewed them anyway. It's not like people start throwing themselves at you at random, even in Blackpool, the place where two girls wearing basically nothing thought I was really smart for knowing the word "glowstick". And I'm not single either, so maybe not the target audience.
I wonder why the machine wasn't working, though. Had they, perchance, sold out? Well, forgive me for suggesting otherwise... but KW was getting a bit of attention throughout the weekend...