Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Ooh 'eck, rumbled!

I've had problems with my CD/DVD drives before. After I (porn) broke my last drive, I used an Amazon voucher to buy a new one, the same make and model in fact, which initially worked fine, but recently has only been working under one particular set of circumstances; namely, that it's plugged in at the mains in addition to via USB, it has the wind behind it, whatever I've been attempting to play has been entered and re-entered half a dozen times, and an incredibly amount of luck.

Nevertheless, when it works, it works.

Recently I tried to play Japanese AV star Kaori Shimizu's Semen Game of Death (long story... no, seriously, it is a long story) on Jilly's laptop, necessitating my groping through a dark cupboard to find my "LOL sex" box and extracting the blue British Airways CD holder that, in actual fact, holds twenty-four CD-Rs full of both soft and hardcore porn (mostly soft, natch)... and a tag which reads "Made in China". For some reason, Semen Game of Death didn't want to play (imagine that!), but our failed attempt to watch Japanese bukkake did make me hit upon the idea of trying to re-activate my own drive.

As I'm off work at the moment, I took the opportunity to do the necessary Great Wire-Related Switcheroo and was both pleased and a little terrified when the little green LED started flickering on my drive. It looked like it worked, but could I be actually sure?

I reached for the most available CD-R I could find.

In case you're interested, I don't always sit and masturbate furiously when soft porn is on my computer screen. I have (increasingly vivid) memories of packing for Woodcraft Camp while Virgins of Sherwood Forest played mindlessly in the background. And, although I was testing my drive and that involved playing soft porn, I was - at that very moment - changing clothes.

Since I was off work and still in my work things, I decided that I needed to change. I'd taken my trousers off and was attempting to find more casual ones - tracksuit bottoms; you can't be debonair all the time - and I was just holding said pair of trousers when the door opened and Jilly walked into the room.

For half a second, there was a pause while this scene played and I stood there without any trousers on. I had to make a decision as to what to do.

"RAAAAAAAAAH!" I shouted.

Mind you, there was a lot of laughter when I'd explained everything... and, most of all, my drive works now. And, moreover, it works relatively well on the third try.

Now where's that Semen Game of Death gone to?

No comments: