Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Find Me

I noticed Blacksilk doing a post about this recently, and it's something I've wanted to do for a while, because I am a stats whore. Seriously. I once sat in a chat room for hours repeating the same words over and over again so I could get onto the stats.

In any case, people wind up here for various reasons. Here are some of them.

Search Terms

durex real feel review (202) - I'm slightly annoyed that a review is the search that brings people here. It's not primarily a sex toy review blog. But I guess I did review these, and they are condoms rather than toys, so in some ways...

innocent lover boy (102) - Spell my name right, dammit! Although I guess this one's OK. Googling "innocent lover boy" gets me as the first few results, perhaps not surprisingly.
durex deluxe review (99) - See above. More condoms. I didn't like these much either.

danny masterson naked (93) - This always, always makes me laugh. Why anyone would want to see Danny Masterson naked I'm not sure. I'm absolutely 100% sure that people who search for this ends up at this post, perhaps the best thing about it being the comment left below! I'm surprised I don't get more hits for Jenna Jameson in Dirt Merchant, though. (89) - Since Blogger changed the ending to my blog address to rather than .com, this comes up as a search term. I'm pretty sure a lot of these are me, as I tend to Google my blog address plus key words in order to find specific posts sometimes.

durex real feel reviews (78) - I have a sudden feeling of déjà vu.

durex real feel (66) - *blinks*

innocent loverboy (52) - I'm surprised this isn't higher. I'm the top result on Google for this. There is, apparently, one other "Innocent Loverboy" on the Internet somewhere, but he's lower down than I am. I guess that's some amount of win, right?

shannan leigh (49) - I knew a soft porn actress would turn up here. I guess she's one of the most famous, so...

soft porn (41) - Huzzah!


United Kingdom (35877) - This isn't surprising, really.

United States (31135) - I wasn't aware I had so many readers in the US. But I suppose this isn't overly surprising seeing as how there are a lot of sex blogs in America.

Russia (5049) - Why am I not surprised at this one? I should be, really.

Germany (3863) - I'm sure not all of these hits are from 47, so hello there, teutonophones! I speak your language, kind of!

Canada (1647) - I'm kind of surprised I don't have more readers in Canada.

Netherlands (1517) - Hello, Rhye!

France (1371) - Just across the Channel, but I've no idea why French people end up at my blog.

Australia (1103) - I've got a couple of blogging friends in Australia, so I'm pretty sure I'd get some hits from (and through) them and their blogs. I also have family in Australia, and H is from there, but I don't think any hits come that way.

India (1026) - Yeah, I don't know who this is...

Hong Kong (557) - According to People's Pornography, which I read at the beginning of the year, it's much easier to both view and create adult material in Hong Kong than mainland China, due to the Great Firewall. If you're in mainland China, I salute you!

I also apparently have one reader in Qatar. Peculiar.

Top Five Posts

Review of Durex Real Feel - You'd never have guessed this from the search terms above, would you?  I will admit to this not being such a badly written review, although (due to the size and shape of my penis, I think) it's not the most favourable of reviews. It's not the best of my posts by a long way, though, so I'm a bit put off that it's my most popular!

Sexual Moments of 2012 (by ILB & LLB) - this is better. As the brainchild of the brilliant Girl on the Net, I'm sure I got a lot of traffic through her (and hopefully her through me!), a retrospective of the last quarter of 2012 composed jointly between myself and Jilly was a great idea for a post that came out quite well indeed, if I do say so myself.

Review of Durex Deluxe - A post which serves three purposes: to take a lighthearted dig at Renée Zellweger, to point out that I have a large penis, and to state categorically that these condoms aren't suitable for people with large penes. It also started the LARGE PENIS meme which I use from time to time. Because I am a mature adult. Ahem. It's a better-written review than the Real Feel one above, but still, I'm not too keen on the reviews on this blog...

Review of the REV 1000 - ...apart from this one. Although I didn't particularly like the product, I had a lot of fun reviewing it. And it led to a few amusing conversations at various events after revealing that I owned one, especially since it turns out that an old friend of Robinson's and my friend-who-is-a-midwife's too is the actor in the TV advert! I do feel a bit guilty about giving this a negative review, especially since it's expensive, but I was being honest - it just didn't work for me!

Soft Porn Sunday: Magenta - This is a really odd choice to round off my top five. Of all the Soft Porn Sundays I've done so far (and they all appear to be quite popular), this is the most read by far. The probable reason for this is that if you put "crystal dillan atkins soft porn" into Google, I'm the first and third result, and the post contains both a photo and a link to the scene that, I suppose from my own experience, people are looking for. Again, I don't think this is one of my best posts, but it's part of the SPS series, which I do like.

And that's it.

This isn't as fun as I'd perhaps hoped. I'd prefer more recognition of my favourite posts. Still, sod's law states that people will inevitably end up reading stuff that you may not particularly like yourself. It's impossible, in my point of view, to pick a favourite five posts, but a few that I remember liking at the time of writing (and still now) are:

The Zebra Project - about my first crush
Whitepool - on holidays
Great Leap Forwards - my cousin getting engaged
Straight to the Point - regarding teen romance books
and Mega Shark - in all its walk-related glory

However much I moan, though, it's nice to know that people are reading my stuff. Whether or not they actually want to find me, stumble across my blog by accident, or just want to see Danny Masterson naked... well, it's nice to see, in any case.