Sunday, 24 March 2013

Open My Eyes

When I was 17, I was bought a porn magazine - Hustler - by 47 and another friend, who I've never mentioned so far on this blog (I'll call her !!!.). We were spending a week in Edinburgh: a week in which I had my first sexual experience, and my first real feeling of over-confusion and rejection. I realised, later on, that I was being played with - although, to be honest, it did lead to 47 and I becoming best friends. Even if it took a while.

At the beginning of the week, !!! had taken it upon herself that it would be her job to "corrupt" me, although that seemed to boil down to two things: coercing (read: forcing) me to drink alcohol, and "teaching" (read: forcing) me how to masturbate (!!! was convinced that it would be good for me - bear in mind that, at this time, I hadn't had any kind of sexual experience, and I didn't start masturbating until after sex for the first time). As part of her campaign of Making ILB Feel Uncomfortable, she and 47 went into a sex shop (with me standing outside looking shifty and out-of-place) and emerged with a copy of Hustler, to which I was supposed to suddenly know how to wank.

And a pack of playing cards with naked women on. Which we later used for poker.

Although I'd seen adult material before (c'mon, I was 17!), I wasn't exactly aware that a magazine would contain anything except lesbian pictures. I was used to softcore - a medium that relies entirely on people not having sex but pretending to - and therefore I hadn't really seen a lot of penetration. I didn't download porn off the Internet, I didn't have any cable channels that showed it, and because I didn't masturbate, I didn't need anything particularly hard to get me off (although later studies, over the last ten years, have shown that softcore works fine in that respect as well!).

I'd never really done a lot of investigation into the matter, but I had always thought, beforehand, that male/female interaction in magazine form would be totally illegal, and that all we would get in print media form would be lesbian stuff - something which, as I knew from watching soft porn for six years, didn't really turn me on much. Why? Because in what they showed on television no actual sex happened, and therefore in a hardcore magazine the same would be true.

It wasn't true.

!!! practically burst into laughter. "It won't all be lesbian stuff," she stated. "A few of the stories will have male interaction in them as well."
How? I thought. But I didn't say anything. I think I nodded... weakly.

I didn't enjoy reading the magazine - although !!! did, perhaps a little too much in fact, and 47 as well. It became a sort of albatross for me; since they'd bought it for me, it was mine and I had to lug it back across the border and all the way to London without actually having looked at it much at all (I knew it wasn't going to work, and considering what else happened in Edinburgh it was pretty much the last thing on my mind). But what to do with it - if not to wank to it - I had no idea once I got home and settled back into the routine of watching soft porn and getting aroused but not having any orgasms.

I chose to take it on holiday with me about a week later.

But then that's a completely different story...

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