Soft Porn Sunday: Jennifer Behr & Paul Michael Robinson...

...AKA: "Haven't I been here before?"

Since I first saw the Emmanuelle In Space series in my mid-teens, there were (perhaps understandably) a few scenes that I remembered incorrectly, or had the wrong idea about. A couple of them I could recall spot-on, but there were some dodgy memories abound at various points. I can be forgiven for forgetting this one, though - as it's not actually my fault!

Appearance: Emmanuelle in Space - 1: Queen of the Galaxy and 7: The Meaning of Love (1994)

Characters: Emmanuelle/Ursula & Haffron

I'll explain:

In the plot of Queen of the Galaxy (also known as First Contact), Emmanuelle - played by Krista Allen, as you should know by now - takes on the task of teaching an alien crew, captained by Haffron (Robinson), about human love and sexuality - English translation: she has sex a lot. As this premise quite rapidly vanishes into the ether after about ten minutes, the team quickly threw together The Meaning of Love, a seventh film (out of six) consisting mostly of previously-shot footage with a wraparound plot set entirely on the ship, with the exception of the final ten minutes, which includes the entire series' amazing* plot twist. (*Not really amazing.)

Our new room looks like this!

The Meaning of Love features a few sex scenes from earlier in the series, re-cut to make them shorter, so in effect it's actually an incredibly boring film. I wonder why they made it, actually; I'd have preferred them to leave the whole thing open-ended after One Final Fling (film 6). However, one thing I do like about the way they re-cut the sex scenes is that they didn't take away from this one: they added something in.

The reason for the sex is this: Emmanuelle, wanting to teach Haffron how to flirt with women (I know - just go with it, all right?), uses his TV remote control alien technology to transform her shape. She becomes a short, blonde woman ostensibly named "Ursula", whom Haffron has to find, seduce and then work out she's actually Emmanuelle. They're also on a cruise ship, but that isn't important. Haffron finds Ursula (played by Jennifer Behr), not knowing she's Emmanuelle, flirts with her, then has sex with her, and then does the same with two other women (don't ask).

Plant attacked by bright circle!

I always found this scene rather boring upon re-watching it, because in my mind the scene involved sex in the missionary position with Ursula still wearing hold-ups, whereas the scene actually involves sex from behind (a kneeling doggy position, although I'm not sure if that's actually possible), followed by the classic astride position. Ursula's legs are clad in black hosiery, but it's not what I remembered happening - hence the confusion.

Turns out that my ILBrain wasn't wrong after all. They do have sex in the missionary position, but it's cut from Queen of the Galaxy. In a one-off, they show the complete scene in The Meaning of Love, one minute of missionary position intact!

Anyway, so the scene starts off with some stupidity involving cherries and cream (yes, it sounds better than it actually is). As I've said, the sex from behind kind of bores me. It's shot pretty well, despite the fact that this is one of their 3D merry-go-round scenes and there's a bloody great plant in the way, but (even for soft porn) it seems a little too unrealistic for me. You can clearly see where Ursula's vagina is, and there's no strategically placed hand or scenery to show that it's not being penetrated. Plus, she doesn't look as if she's enjoying it. The riding bit at the end shows a lot more smile and is actually quite hot in places, as Ursula laughs at one point before collapsing onto Haffron, who looks confused (as he does in all his sex scenes!). But neither of those bits have the spark that a lot of the scenes in this series have.

Help! The human's about to escape!

I like the missionary position - both in real life and in softcore, as it's easy to film (and allows for a lot of deep penetration). But it seems to be forgotten about a lot in film, as it's difficult to show a lot of flesh (apart from the man's back) in some cases. But there are so many ways to make the missionary position sexy, and here, I think they get it just right. We have Ursula curling her legs around Haffron's back, helping him stay in position. We have Haffron using his arms for leverage. And we even get some face shots, showing (in some cases) a smile. Which may or may not be genuine. It looks so.

The problem I have with an interesting bit being sandwiched between two boring bits is that it's over too quickly. Out of the three positions (no mean feat!) tried here, the first - impossible kneeling doggie with added six-pack - takes up over a third of the time. That's why it's boring... it goes on too long, and there's only so much you can do with the same motion over and over again. Missionary - demonstrating Ursula's flexibility and Haffron's... well, back... provides a good precursor to the end of the scene, whereas without those precious seconds, in my opinion, it's a bit of a lazy scene. it doesn't benefit from the fact that the two following sex scenes in QotG are much better, either!

"Where's me washboard?"

I don't mean to be overly critical - it's a fine scene, but what I remembered isn't what I ended up seeing, and thus I was a bit disappointed when I actually bought QotG on DVD a few years back (actually about nine years ago now!) and didn't see what I was expecting...

...which actually involved Krista Allen as Emmanuelle wearing the hold-ups during missionary sex. Which also doesn't happen.

...and the rest of the alien crew standing around the bed watching. Which also doesn't happen.

...and Ursula saying "that was the best it's ever been for me" after the sex. Which also doesn't happen.

...and this happening while Emmanuelle is sleeping with someone else in another cabin. Which also doesn't happen.

My memory is amazing.