Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Soft fail

A couple of days ago I went to CEX and bought a £15 box set of films ostensibly by Tinto Brass. Although I've written before about not being able to find any soft porn I haven't seen, I haven't really done anything to rectify this problem - apart from frantic browsing in the slowly-declining HMV and lamenting my failure to find anything - and buying Tinto Brass films seemed like a very good idea, seeing as how here are 4 discs in the box set, each of which containing three or so short erotic films. And I quite liked Trasgredire, too, so I knew I was in good hands.

This is why I should learn to read the back of box sets before I buy them. Especially with money I don't own.

As it turns out, "Tinto Brass Presents" doesn't actually contain anything by Tinto Brass. Tinto - "the undisputed king of Erotica"; have anything to say about that, Cybil Richards? - has merely "len[t] his name" to these twelve steaming piles of subhuman excrement packaged as erotic tales. Directed by "some of the most talented Italian directors working today", Brass' only involvement seems to be the fact that he makes quasi-Hitchcock, quasi-Meyer style cameo appearances (really obvious ones, as well) and has managed to get his name stencilled onto the DVD case.

Why so terrible? Well, they don't appear to contain any sex. I sat through an excruciating while trying to divine exactly why a wife not having the promised affair is meant to be hot. I wondered exactly what ballet dancing sans the Black Swan-style lesbian stuff (even though it's hinted at) is actually meant to convey. If this is tittilation, ur doin it rong - I prefer to actually be going somewhere with my sex scenes rather than having an interruption, fadeout or (worst of all) end credits before it ends up at sex at all!

I don't know what's more disappointing... the fact that I bought this, the fact that it's all very much of a let-down... or the fact that I felt I had to blog about this in order to warn everyone. It's not like any of you are going to buy it, right?

...Right?

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