Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose

I was looking for something to write about. Rhye suggested I do a post about the last time I said, "I love you" to someone.

A couple of hours ago.

It's amazing how things change over time. The last time I wrote a post about saying "I love you", it turned into a bit of a bitch about my first girlfriend and something of a glowing tribute to my then-girlfriend, the drinking girl. In 2010, I was in a relationship - not only with a different person, but also having a different kind of relationship from the current situation. With the relationship I'm in now - having a live-in girlfriend who not only reads my blog, but writes a prolific one of her own - one may think (rather naïvely)that either it's

a) overdone, á la Sit Down '98, as declarations of love are not difficult to find with me
b) a given; something that doesn't need to be confirmed, because after all, we share the same bed

It's really neither of those things.

I've never said "I love you" and not meant it. I may have said it to people I wasn't truly in love with (Soldiergirl being the example that spins into my head), but if I said it, I meant it, and maybe even if I wasn't in True Love, I thought I might have been... and that still counts as an honest, if untrue, statement.

I say it because I like it. I like the reminder, both to her and I, that there is a lot of love there. Even if it might be considered a bit of a given fact at times, love is a precious and often unstable thing, and I do like to appreciate it as much as I can. I am, after all, an ILB. And therefore, I love to say it. I love to re-affirm my feelings, to re-state them, to reinforce them.

But, above all, I say it because I want to. And I think that's a good sign.

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