I don't have a New Year's resolution, but if I were to make one, it would be something along the lines of, "Get Confident, Stupid!".
2012 has been a very strange year for me. It's had some very good bits, but conversely, it's had some very bad bits too. In some cases, it's been almost devastating, and nevertheless I've survived through the companionship of my flames, friends, family and father, even at times aided and abetted by my mother, who has spent the whole year acting as both a hero and a villain according to increasingly random stimuli. 2013 also looks to be...
I don't make many resolutions (apart from a list I made a few years ago) because I generally dislike rules, laws, or making any plans. If I make a promise to someone I'll do my best to fulfil it, but that's just having good moral standards, and those I have. Setting myself a goal, however, always seems to be a surefire way of saying it won't happen.
A good example is the idea of moving out of my parents' house. This is something I wanted to do two years ago and still haven't managed to do, due to a combination of the volatile jobs market and bad luck. Now that I have a live-in girlfriend with me, renting a room the size of a cupboard isn't an option any more, so I've stopped idealising in my head about where I (and/or we) may end up, and abandoned myself to the fact that it might happen at some point, hopefully, in 2013. If I aim for something, it doesn't happen.
The fact that I barely missed out on getting to compete on University Challenge still hurts.
I quite like living by the skin of my teeth. I know it doesn't apply to everyone, but I still have some semblance of a sense of adventure, I think. Without a slightly risk-taking attitude, I wouldn't have started going to Erotic Meets, and with the demise of the CCK meetups at the beginning of the year, I was devoid of the chance to meet and mix with more sex-related people. Not every Erotic Meet has been a roaring success, but I got to meet loads of people I admire, and even some new ones, which is frankly astonishing.
Not making any resolute plans in the form of a list allows me to shape bits of my life when opportunities come around, and as long as I try to hang on to my moral values (which I'm managing to do, I hope!), then I think I'll be OK with not ritualising any sort of thing. It's a mini-adventure... except without a car. I gave my car to my cousin with the large breasts a while ago.
The closest thing to a resolution I'll give myself is to get more confident and more... shall we say... vocal. I'm the least likely person in Christendom to develop a backbone of steel, but I need to be able to give my opinion on things. Ask for things (which is the thing I like doing the least in the world due to my abject fear of failure). Learn to say "yes" to some things and "no" to some other things. And, crucially, I need to stand up to bullies. Every year of my life I've had a bully and every time I've tried to stand up to them it's gone wrong - I've been shouted down or physically attacked or humiliated. This has got to stop.
I'm still going to be nice. Hell, we all know I'm a pushover. I'm really easy to throw off-balance as I have a tendency to fluster when wrong-footed. I backpedal, I apologise, I don't argue. I don't fight. This isn't a "don't fuck with me" post. But I really want to make a difference this year... something more than asking mothers not to smack their children in public places. Maybe "stand up to bullies" isn't the correct term - "make bullies realise what they are" is a better thing to try to do. It worked wonders for Dudley Dursley.
You get the point, I'm sure.
Do I have a sex resolution this year? No. With the exception of "keep having sex", there isn't really anything new I want to do. If there's one thing I need to do, it's to work on my oral skills. We all know how much I love oral sex, but I need more practice if I'm going to keep it up.
Thus begins a year of having my head between legs. Nice to know I'm still capable of getting myself into all sorts of weird situations. Nice one, ILB.