Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Wipe on, wipe off.

Laugh if you will, but...

That was your opportunity to laugh. Don't throw it away. Oh, go ahead, suit yourself.


...I am praising God Almighty for the creation of wet wipes. Specifically Andrex's "Washlets" brand, which I have identified as the finest of wet wipes available, through the simple expedient of checking the pack that's on top of my chest of drawers right now. Or, more realistically, half a pack.

A friend of mine - that one friend who talks about wanking all the freaking time - described to me in incredibly graphic detail that he grabs a tissue just as he's about to climax, thus providing himself with a paper condom equivalent and saving the tedious task of cleaning himself up following orgasm (his boyfriend neither confirmed or denied this fact, but then again, that's probably because I didn't ask him). However, I don't have that fast a trigger finger, and although the hideously orange toilet tissue that my dad buys usually suffices for cleaning up the end result of my orgasms, sometimes I long for the tender caress of something slightly more gentle.

"Holy shit!" said my girlfriend yesterday evening, being her usual erudite self, as I ejaculated all over my hand, stomach, chest and neck. Blissing out during the comedown, I waited for her orgasm (it didn't take too long to wait now she had a visual stimulus...) before even considering the fact that I needed to clean up. To be honest, it had been an exhausting day; falling asleep in a pool of our own cum seemed like a good idea for a while, before I realised that it would undo the effects of the shower I'd had earlier.

And this is where wet wipes came to the rescue. Quick as a particularly slow flash, I wal... okay, "stumbled"... across the bedroom to grab the pack just begging to be used. The effect was incredible, not only cleaning up the residue in a very effective way, but also giving my skin the wonderful feeling that it had just been washed, similar to the "fresh from the dentist feeling of clean" that Arm & Hammer toothpaste provides, except without the baking soda this time.

As I said, laugh if you will... but this truly was a very good idea. And what's more, I still have half a pack remaining. It is a wonderful feeling, truly superior to the usual tissue-based ritual. Therefore, I shall continue, dear reader, to promote the usage of wet wipes in post-orgasm cleansing for some time to come.

Unless if it's Kandoo. I can't stand that stupid frog.

1 comment:

BiLikesSciFi said...

Very interesting... I hadn't considered this.